Write From Your Past

I read time and time again that we (writers) should look to our childhoods for stories, emotions, and characters. Yet I avoid that time of my life with everything I am.

It's not that I don't use things I've learned from my past, it's that I don't chose to sit and journal or freewrite about it.

Why?

What is it about my childhood I am so hesitant to relive? What resides back then that I am so terrified of revisiting? Or have I just hashed it out already?

Workshops and writing how to books always sugges writing down your memories. They tell us to "write about a time you were scared." or "Write about how you felt when...?"

I HATE writing about that crap.

It turns into an unfeeling list of events that resembles a grocery list more then a building block for literary genius.

Yet after 10 years of writing, I'm beginging to wonder if I'm not getting in touch with something that could take my writing to the next level.

I can't see the benefit. I can't feel the benefit...so why do it? I'd rather take made up characters and made them real. I have control over them. Real people...I have no control over. I don't understand why they are doing the things they do. They don't make sense.

This will take more pondering.

Any thoughts?

Writing Contest Results

I finally heard back from the WOW contest, which I entered way back in May. It was a 750 word fiction piece that I was super proud of. I posted about it here. Of 300 entries, I made it to the top 100. I didn't however make it to the top 10 or 15 honorable mentions. At first I was really disappointed, after all, no one likes to lose.

It took a few hours of stewing in my own negative place before I pulled myself out of the funk. After all, I had beat out at least 200 other entries and who knows...maybe I was number 26.

I decided to move on and see if I could find another home for it.

I've put writing back on the front burner, so to speak. I struggle to find time...or rather, to make time for my writing, but no more! I've promised myself to send out 1 article or submission every week. I'd like to get to 2-3 a week, but decided I'd aim for attainable. As I'm trying to successfully meet my goals.

So, I didn't win the contest, but it did give me a swift kick in the pants.

Story Ideas Begin With...

"Something has moved you. You begin to write about it. You sketch. You jot down a chain of fantasies and associations. You dream the dream. You don't know what's coming; you're a vehicle for what's happening on your page." The Modern Library Writer's Workshop, by Stephen Koch

Writer after writer speaks of how they come up with their stories, and for most it all begins with a germ of an idea. A thought. A "what if" question. From there the characters and plot are fleshed out and developed into something that grows into a world the writer must share with the world.

I've been lucky a few times to wake up with a full story running through my head. I can see the characters, who they are as people and how they feel in their heart. I can see the conflict and how the story will progress from beginning to end. Yet they are also the hardest stories for me to write. I don't know if it's because I have so little to discover or if the idea in my head just won't materialize on paper as profoundly as it appears in my mind.

The stories I like to write are the ones that start with a character, a line of dialogue or a "what if" question that haunts me...begging me to discover what lies beneath. What type of characters would find themselves in that type of situation and how would they fight to get out from under the mess they are in. Those are the stories that motivate me to sit down each day in front of my computer to write.

The book I'm currently writing...started just like that. It was a scenario...an unlikely scenario at that, and it kept coming back to me. There had to be a way to make it work. There had to be a set of characters who would find themselves in a situation like this and what would they do if they did?

Soon I had a death, a failed marriage and a lost love with a broken heart. It has not been the easiest story to write because my villain is the best friend and dead wife...the love triangle is there, but I find myself hating the villain so much I know that every reader will feel the same...but then I must ask myself "why would she have a best friend who gives up everything for her if she's such a TERRIBLE person?" I've had a few go rounds with this one, but I do believe it gets better and better each time. I think it's been some of my best writing and that excites me.

"So don't try to take control of your idea too early. Begin by letting it take control of you. For now, let whatever has stirred inside you gain strength." The Modern Library Writer's Workshop, by Stephen Koch

Writing Weekend

How do you plan to spend your long weekend?

(This was the sunset we had last night in between rain storms. Isn't is beautiful. Sadly we did not have this kind of sunset tonight.)

I will be spending mine writing! That's right, not at the beach or out in the sun...NO! It's pouring here! And I mean let's build an Ark people, this is serious. But that's okay, because I need to inside writing. Nice weather only makes being inside writing that much more painful.

Hubby has agreed to take the kids during the day so I can get quiet, uninterrupted time to write. Today was day 1 and it went...alright. They left at 9:00 a.m. and I made my bed, got dressed and sat down in front of the computer. I typed out the tutorial for days craft over at Hip Chicks Craft Too, I wrote a blog post for Holistic Momma and then I tweeted and facebooked (I swear a year ago I would never believe those words would come out of my mouth...but there they are). By noon I was in a panic. Half my time was gone and I hadn't even opened my novel yet. I decided to make this yummy tuna pasta salad, but the tuna was gross (I'm very picky about my tuna) and I threw it away and with it my hopes of yummy tuna pasta salad.

I sat down in my chair, hungry, depressed, but determined to open my WIP and begin. After all, this is why I was here...in a quiet house, without little monsters nagging me for a snack or to take them to the park. And yet I was frozen.

Then I realized a contest I wanted to enter was due any minute and I had yet to edit my final draft on my short story. I spent what time I had left working through my edits over and over again until I felt it was perfect. But then is any piece of writing ever perfect? Is it ever truly done? Unfortunately, not to the writer. I did however type it into the body of the email, the way I was told too (see I can follow directions), and then after rereading it 90 times I hit send and then immediately wanted to retrieve it so I could reread it once more. Oh the agony of being a writer :)

On other writing news...or lack thereof in this case...I haven't heard anything from the craft magazine regarding my last craft article. They say after 4 weeks to call the editor to check on the status...but I hate to "bother" her, so I've decided to submit my next craft idea and then politely mention the previous article.

Now that day 1 is over...I'm creating lots of plans for the next two days. Wish me luck!

Late Night Writing

I've decided to fight for this writing thing. It won't just happen. No one will knock on my door or sent me a tweet asking me to publish the 10 novels sitting under my bed. It's up to me!

I still don't know if it's possible to be able to do it all. But I'm sure going to try.

Last night after the kids were asleep and my blog posts were done, I went into the bedroom to the computer with internet and I wrote. And it was awesome! I wrote until 3 a.m. and could have kept going. This time the writing was actually pretty darn good...almost great. I busted out 4,000 words of new scenes and I'm antsy to get back to it.

Have I told you how much I love these characters?

Torn Between Two Worlds

I'm feeling very torn between my writing and my art. I've got this big art world thing going on, with a craft website, craft articles, and...well...creating the art. Lately I've stumbled upon articles, interview and blog posts about writers and their lives as "writers". From their routines, to book signings, to the actual act of writing...and it's made my heart ache.

Oh, how I MISS writing!!

Is it possible to have both worlds? I fear it's not...

Writing Anxiety

It's been a while since I worked on my novel. Even though I said I was going to write last weekend, it didn't happen. I had to read through the writing that had already been edited, so I would know where I was. Just as I was getting to the end of the edited chapters, I realized I had changed some major scenes last time I had written. Of course at the time, I thought I'd be back to the computer the following day...which never happened. So fast forward 2-3 months...I now have no notes on the changes I wanted to make. So I spent what time I had last weekend trying to rework the outdated outline.

Today I had to take some of the kids library books back to the library, so I thought I'd take my writing with me. It sounded like a fabulous idea, it would be quiet, I'd be away from internet, the loads of laundry that must get done, the many blog posts and craft tutorials that need to be written. Yet the second I pulled into the parking lot I had a hundred different things I needed to do all of a sudden. My clothes were bugging me, I was tired, my back hurt, I was thirsty and needed a snack. The library didn't allow for drinks and snacks, so I wanted to go home where I could have those things.

I forced myself into the library, I had to return the books. As I walked through the doors, I started having heart palpitations, my hands got sweaty and I really wanted to leave. But I love the library, why would I be feeling like this? And then it hit me! Because I had my novel in my bag and I knew there were major edits and new scenes that needed to be written.

Why has writing gotten so hard? I can write my blogs, my craft tutorials just fine. I can create art with such excitement and enthusiasm...and yet to sit and write fiction has become like a death sentence. I love my WIP. It's one of the best books I've written...despite the major edits needing to get done. Why is this so painful?

I want to be a writer. I want it more then anything else in my life and yet it's always the last thing I do. It's like getting myself to the dentist. I dread it! I fear it! The judgements! The failure that looms.

I did find a quiet spot in the corner against the big windows where I could see the trees and the sun when it peeped out of the dark clouds. I made a deal with myself. I had to write 2 pages before I could leave.

I'm proud to say I did write my two pages, despite the discomfort and pain it caused me. Although, it's total crap! But I wrote and I pray that each day it gets easier and easier.

Anyone else ever feel like this?