Writer Ramblings

Write From Your Past

2010-08-11T00:24:00.000-07:00

I read time and time again that we (writers) should look to our childhoods for stories, emotions, and characters. Yet I avoid that time of my life with everything I am.

It's not that I don't use things I've learned from my past, it's that I don't chose to sit and journal or freewrite about it.

Why?

What is it about my childhood I am so hesitant to relive? What resides back then that I am so terrified of revisiting? Or have I just hashed it out already?

Workshops and writing how to books always sugges writing down your memories. They tell us to "write about a time you were scared." or "Write about how you felt when...?"

I HATE writing about that crap.

It turns into an unfeeling list of events that resembles a grocery list more then a building block for literary genius.

Yet after 10 years of writing, I'm beginging to wonder if I'm not getting in touch with something that could take my writing to the next level.

I can't see the benefit. I can't feel the benefit...so why do it? I'd rather take made up characters and made them real. I have control over them. Real people...I have no control over. I don't understand why they are doing the things they do. They don't make sense.

This will take more pondering.

Any thoughts?

Writing Contest Results

2010-08-10T01:48:00.000-07:00

I finally heard back from the WOW contest, which I entered way back in May. It was a 750 word fiction piece that I was super proud of. I posted about it here. Of 300 entries, I made it to the top 100. I didn't however make it to the top 10 or 15 honorable mentions. At first I was really disappointed, after all, no one likes to lose.

It took a few hours of stewing in my own negative place before I pulled myself out of the funk. After all, I had beat out at least 200 other entries and who knows...maybe I was number 26.

I decided to move on and see if I could find another home for it.

I've put writing back on the front burner, so to speak. I struggle to find time...or rather, to make time for my writing, but no more! I've promised myself to send out 1 article or submission every week. I'd like to get to 2-3 a week, but decided I'd aim for attainable. As I'm trying to successfully meet my goals.

So, I didn't win the contest, but it did give me a swift kick in the pants.

Story Ideas Begin With...

2010-08-05T02:19:00.000-07:00

"Something has moved you. You begin to write about it. You sketch. You jot down a chain of fantasies and associations. You dream the dream. You don't know what's coming; you're a vehicle for what's happening on your page." The Modern Library Writer's Workshop, by Stephen Koch

Writer after writer speaks of how they come up with their stories, and for most it all begins with a germ of an idea. A thought. A "what if" question. From there the characters and plot are fleshed out and developed into something that grows into a world the writer must share with the world.

I've been lucky a few times to wake up with a full story running through my head. I can see the characters, who they are as people and how they feel in their heart. I can see the conflict and how the story will progress from beginning to end. Yet they are also the hardest stories for me to write. I don't know if it's because I have so little to discover or if the idea in my head just won't materialize on paper as profoundly as it appears in my mind.

The stories I like to write are the ones that start with a character, a line of dialogue or a "what if" question that haunts me...begging me to discover what lies beneath. What type of characters would find themselves in that type of situation and how would they fight to get out from under the mess they are in. Those are the stories that motivate me to sit down each day in front of my computer to write.

The book I'm currently writing...started just like that. It was a scenario...an unlikely scenario at that, and it kept coming back to me. There had to be a way to make it work. There had to be a set of characters who would find themselves in a situation like this and what would they do if they did?

Soon I had a death, a failed marriage and a lost love with a broken heart. It has not been the easiest story to write because my villain is the best friend and dead wife...the love triangle is there, but I find myself hating the villain so much I know that every reader will feel the same...but then I must ask myself "why would she have a best friend who gives up everything for her if she's such a TERRIBLE person?" I've had a few go rounds with this one, but I do believe it gets better and better each time. I think it's been some of my best writing and that excites me.

"So don't try to take control of your idea too early. Begin by letting it take control of you. For now, let whatever has stirred inside you gain strength." The Modern Library Writer's Workshop, by Stephen Koch

Writing Weekend

2010-05-28T20:25:00.000-07:00

How do you plan to spend your long weekend?

(This was the sunset we had last night in between rain storms. Isn't is beautiful. Sadly we did not have this kind of sunset tonight.)

I will be spending mine writing! That's right, not at the beach or out in the sun...NO! It's pouring here! And I mean let's build an Ark people, this is serious. But that's okay, because I need to inside writing. Nice weather only makes being inside writing that much more painful.

Hubby has agreed to take the kids during the day so I can get quiet, uninterrupted time to write. Today was day 1 and it went...alright. They left at 9:00 a.m. and I made my bed, got dressed and sat down in front of the computer. I typed out the tutorial for days craft over at Hip Chicks Craft Too, I wrote a blog post for Holistic Momma and then I tweeted and facebooked (I swear a year ago I would never believe those words would come out of my mouth...but there they are). By noon I was in a panic. Half my time was gone and I hadn't even opened my novel yet. I decided to make this yummy tuna pasta salad, but the tuna was gross (I'm very picky about my tuna) and I threw it away and with it my hopes of yummy tuna pasta salad.

I sat down in my chair, hungry, depressed, but determined to open my WIP and begin. After all, this is why I was here...in a quiet house, without little monsters nagging me for a snack or to take them to the park. And yet I was frozen.

Then I realized a contest I wanted to enter was due any minute and I had yet to edit my final draft on my short story. I spent what time I had left working through my edits over and over again until I felt it was perfect. But then is any piece of writing ever perfect? Is it ever truly done? Unfortunately, not to the writer. I did however type it into the body of the email, the way I was told too (see I can follow directions), and then after rereading it 90 times I hit send and then immediately wanted to retrieve it so I could reread it once more. Oh the agony of being a writer :)

On other writing news...or lack thereof in this case...I haven't heard anything from the craft magazine regarding my last craft article. They say after 4 weeks to call the editor to check on the status...but I hate to "bother" her, so I've decided to submit my next craft idea and then politely mention the previous article.

Now that day 1 is over...I'm creating lots of plans for the next two days. Wish me luck!

Late Night Writing

2010-05-04T13:53:00.000-07:00

I've decided to fight for this writing thing. It won't just happen. No one will knock on my door or sent me a tweet asking me to publish the 10 novels sitting under my bed. It's up to me!

I still don't know if it's possible to be able to do it all. But I'm sure going to try.

Last night after the kids were asleep and my blog posts were done, I went into the bedroom to the computer with internet and I wrote. And it was awesome! I wrote until 3 a.m. and could have kept going. This time the writing was actually pretty darn good...almost great. I busted out 4,000 words of new scenes and I'm antsy to get back to it.

Have I told you how much I love these characters?

Torn Between Two Worlds

2010-05-03T20:54:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling very torn between my writing and my art. I've got this big art world thing going on, with a craft website, craft articles, and...well...creating the art. Lately I've stumbled upon articles, interview and blog posts about writers and their lives as "writers". From their routines, to book signings, to the actual act of writing...and it's made my heart ache.

Oh, how I MISS writing!!

Is it possible to have both worlds? I fear it's not...

Writing Anxiety

2010-05-02T16:20:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I worked on my novel. Even though I said I was going to write last weekend, it didn't happen. I had to read through the writing that had already been edited, so I would know where I was. Just as I was getting to the end of the edited chapters, I realized I had changed some major scenes last time I had written. Of course at the time, I thought I'd be back to the computer the following day...which never happened. So fast forward 2-3 months...I now have no notes on the changes I wanted to make. So I spent what time I had last weekend trying to rework the outdated outline.

Today I had to take some of the kids library books back to the library, so I thought I'd take my writing with me. It sounded like a fabulous idea, it would be quiet, I'd be away from internet, the loads of laundry that must get done, the many blog posts and craft tutorials that need to be written. Yet the second I pulled into the parking lot I had a hundred different things I needed to do all of a sudden. My clothes were bugging me, I was tired, my back hurt, I was thirsty and needed a snack. The library didn't allow for drinks and snacks, so I wanted to go home where I could have those things.

I forced myself into the library, I had to return the books. As I walked through the doors, I started having heart palpitations, my hands got sweaty and I really wanted to leave. But I love the library, why would I be feeling like this? And then it hit me! Because I had my novel in my bag and I knew there were major edits and new scenes that needed to be written.

Why has writing gotten so hard? I can write my blogs, my craft tutorials just fine. I can create art with such excitement and enthusiasm...and yet to sit and write fiction has become like a death sentence. I love my WIP. It's one of the best books I've written...despite the major edits needing to get done. Why is this so painful?

I want to be a writer. I want it more then anything else in my life and yet it's always the last thing I do. It's like getting myself to the dentist. I dread it! I fear it! The judgements! The failure that looms.

I did find a quiet spot in the corner against the big windows where I could see the trees and the sun when it peeped out of the dark clouds. I made a deal with myself. I had to write 2 pages before I could leave.

I'm proud to say I did write my two pages, despite the discomfort and pain it caused me. Although, it's total crap! But I wrote and I pray that each day it gets easier and easier.

Anyone else ever feel like this?

2010-04-24T14:05:00.000-07:00

I did it! I just sent off my first article submission. It was done via email and the submission guidelines didn't state in what file format they wanted it, so I sent via pdf and word doc. It was a craft tutorial for a craft magazine that I just love. I had detailed and to the point instruction with clear photos, so we'll see if they liked the craft idea enough to publish it.

Keeping fingers crossed.

Today I have the whole day to myself, and I had hoped to work on my novel...something I haven't done is months! And yet I only have 2 hours left and I haven't even touched the novel. But!!! I did get the article submission off and that has to do with writing...right?

I've been super busy with the art/craft side of my life and with my new blog venture Hip Chicks Craft Too! So if you are interested in seeing what I'm doing over there, jump on over and check it out. It's lots of fun!

Okay, 2 hours of novel edits, begins now!!

2010-03-10T22:06:00.000-08:00

I'm a big fan of Betsy Lerner. She wrote a book called The Forest for the Trees, An Editors Advice to Writers. Which was fantastic!

She also has a blog - http://betsylerner.wordpress.com/ Here is a blurb from her blog about her blog: This blog hopes to continue in the spirit of the book, answering basic questions such as how to write an effective query letter to more complex issues involving writers' personalities, especially but not limited to their self-destructive proclivities. But mostly, it’s a place to regularly vent about publishing.

Yet her blog is so much more. She full of spunk, fire and gritty reality of the life of a writer. She's everything I hope to be one day. I love her foul mouth! I do!! I can't help it!!

So if you've never visited her blog before....you must!

2010-02-25T19:46:00.000-08:00

It's been a few days since I worked on my novel and I miss it. I hate when life gets in the way of my writing time. Unfortunately, it can't be helped right now. We're in the process of moving and as anyone who's moved before knows, it's a time full of boxes, organizing, yard sales and stress...especially for those of us with kids.

I have been writing a few craft articles, which I plan to submit to craft magazines. My dad, who's quite the writer himself (Hi, Dad! If you're reading this), lit a fire under me the other day about actually submitting my work. I've done some research about which magazines to submit to and I'm now putting the queries and submissions together. Unfortunately, with craft submissions, the sumissions are more intense. Writing pattern instructions, photographs and mailing samples of the product, as well as a well crafted article and query letter. So wish me luck!

What about you? What are you currently working on?

Weeeknd Update

2010-02-20T16:58:00.000-08:00

So I'm writing today, or attempting to. I'm a couple rounds of edits into this book and although I'm still in love with the characters, I've added a few new plot twists that are giving me a hard time. I've given my deceased character a voice, in flashbacks, which makes me nervous. I don't want to lose the forward momentum the book has when in the present, yet I felt my dead girl needs a chance to tell her side of the story. Especially since the characters in the present don't have much good to say about her. She's my villian, and as we writers know, all villians have a motivation behind their bad behavior. And unfortunately, I couldn't find a way to authentically reveal her motivations. So I needed to show how she really was. And flashbacks were my only option.

I pray they add to the story, allowing the reader to peer into the lives of the three characters 3 years prior. I think what I'm finding the most difficult is bouncing back and forth. So I've decided to edit through the present time and then go back and edit the flashbacks. I hope that'll give me more clear-cut clarity.

I miss the time where I wrote without this giant "someone might see this" fear hanging over my head. I think about agents, editors and future readers now. I try to leave that stuff at the door, but it scares me to know that it could take me eight years to get published. I need to be somewhat aware of what I'm doing. I've already written nine novels, that I've not done anything with. I wonder if this book will even be the one that gets published? Chances are good that it won't be. It might be 2 or 3 more novels down the road. I try to tell myself that with each novel completed, I've learned and I've grown...which I have, don't get me wrong. I'm just ready to take the next step.

I'm thinking of sending this novel to a book doctor. Someone who can objectively look it over and tell me whether it's pure shite or not.

But the sun is shining, which makes my heart happy. Although, I'm freezing! So there's the downside. I've just turned on a space heater and pointed it directly at my feet and made a cup of my favorite Mango Chamomile tea to warm my hands.

I have lists of things to do. Crafts to complete. Tutorials to write for Hip Chicks Craft Too blog. School lessons to plan and well, the house could use a good vaccum. But instead I've decided to stay here. I figure I'll stop writing when my brain turns to mush and all I can utter is "please turn on the tellie".

Side note: why don't we have cool words like they do in Britian? I mean seriously!! Words like shite, tellie, loo, and mate. I think it's time to include those in my vocabulary.

It's my dream to one day live in London and write full-time. Wouldn't that be amazing?

Okay, now I'm just procrastinating...I'm off!

Titles

2010-02-17T19:10:00.000-08:00

As writers we not only have to come up with pages and pages of wonderful, engaging sentences, but also a title that grabs the readers attention. Now many times in the publishing process editors/publishing companies change the titles, but in the mean time, we must name our work.

I've never had a problem coming up with titles. From the beginning of the first draft I could title my novels and they'd be perfect. Until this latest WIP. Seriously! I can't for the life of me title this flippin thing!

I've sat down and wrote key words and themes, but still nothing.

I've settled on "It Happened One Night" knowing that it'll change, either by me or an editor (who is out there right now and is just waiting for the magnificient story I'm currently working on).

Hey, a girl can dream!

What about you? How do you come up with titles?

W.I.P.

2010-01-28T22:06:00.000-08:00

I've been working on a nonfiction book proposal the last few days. It's still very early and not something I can talk about, but it's been a very exciting and yet scary adventure so far.

As for my fiction writing...I'm never far from it. My NaNoWriMo novel is being editing right now. It's grown and changed so much since NaNo, and yet there is still so much left to do. Right now I'm going back through and writing all the missing scenes. Once those scenes are complete I'll do another read through and begin big picture editing to make sure the story threads are all there.

How are things in your writing world??

What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger

2010-01-20T14:55:00.000-08:00

Or so they say!

I'm really trying to focus on those words today by taking them into my heart and allowing myself to actually hear them.

I'm a bit lost at the moment. My internal editor/critic is on full alert and having a hay-day with my emotions. I think the little bitch is enjoying herself. But like I said in my previous post I'm determined to silence her and forge ahead into peace.

I was doing a fairly good job of that until I began my daily trip through blogdom, where I read about pregnancy after pregnancy and writing contract after writing contract. As the bile was rising in my throat and the anxiety was about to consume me and force me toward my bed for a nap, I took a deep breath, did a few sun-salutations and sat down to let you all know, I made it through the crisis, and am actually mildly motivated in a "I can do it too!" kind of way. There is a mixture of anger and frustration and "why isn't it happening for me?" emotions in there, but I'm keeping my head up, my shoulders back and my gut sucked in... (Don't ask, it makes me feel taller, thinner, and therefore somewhat better about myself.)

So now I'm going to sit here and plug away on my own writing, becuase I can do it too! I know I can!

A Writer's Roller Coaster Emotions

2010-01-19T00:20:00.000-08:00

I have had serious anxiety and depression lately. I haven't been able to blog, or write, hell...even reading has been painful.

Why? You ask.

Because...I'm a failure! I suck! I have no discipline! Everything I write is crap! And the list goes on and on. Yes, these are the words floating through my mind. I'm so flippin scared to even pick up a pen that my hand cramps at the mere thought of it. I start to get a rash, a headache, or mysteriously tired and starving at the thought of even sitting at the computer.

I forced myself to read a few "self help" writing books. But with each one I became more and more depressed.

I then started reading A Writer's Time by Kenneth Atchity and I began to believe I just wasn't smart enough, or dedicated enough. I decided I would create schedules, force myself to the computer and create ways to manipulate my own mind into writing.

I woke up this morning really scared, sad, and feeling quite lousy. Maybe writing wasn't for me. Maybe it would always be something I day-dreamed about. Which only made me more depressed. I set about doing all the other things in my life, school with the kids, work, housecleaning, etc. and then I stumbled onto Elizabeth Gilbert's website. She's the one who write Eat, Pray, Love. She has a Some Thoughts on Writing page that made me cry, but for all the right reasons.

She wrote about why writers need to have self-forgiveness more then discipline. "Because your writing will always disappoint you. Your laziness will always disappoint you."

Elizabeth encourages writers to send out their work. To share it with anyone who'll read it. Because doing otherwise only suffocates the passion and drive that it took to create it. "Your job is only to write your heart out, and let destiny take care of the rest."

And lastly she says, "Do you have the courage to bring forth this work? The treasures that are hidden inside you are hoping you will say YES."

So in this moment I say YES. Yes, thanks to Elizabeth Gilbert, who reminded me why I write, and most importantly that it's okay to be ME. I write differently then others. I wish I were more diciplined, but I'm also juggling more then any one person should. So I'm going to find a way to forgive myself. And I'm going to write. Because it's what feeds my soul.

Middle of the Night Ramblings

2010-01-06T04:08:00.000-08:00

I read to make myself a better person, of this I am sure. I enjoy reading for the entertainment of it as well, getting lost in the story and in the lives of the characters. But I rather enjoy the knowledge reading offers. I want to learn of different people, of the past and how we got here, of how to better myself, my children and my world.

Yet, as a writer, I seek to offer a wisdom I do not know if I have...yet. I want to teach, to inspire, to motivate. But of what knowledge, life experience, do I have to share?

"To be a person is to have a story to tell." - Isak Dinesen

I write to remember.

I fear forgetting. Most of all I fear being forgotten. Don't we all believe we'll always remember? How it felt to fall in love or to lose someone? Problem is...we don't. With time those memories fade and I believe God has given us this ability, it helps to heal us, yet with the loss of the bad feelings we also lose those that are good.

I don't want the stories of my families past to be forgotten. I want to pass them down to my children, so they will know where they come from at the same time keeping those who came before us vivid in the mind of the new generation.

I've thought a lot about what kind of legacy I'll leave? What will be my stamp on this world? How will I be remembered? It's not an arrogant wish to not be forgotten, but rather a need to have made a difference. Unfortunately, I also understand that there isn't always a tangible product in which to gauge how you've affected people or this world. Isn't it the writer, the artist, the inventor, who is remembered and cherished for their work long after they are gone?

Can't Break The Routine

2009-12-03T18:20:00.000-08:00

Or should I say..."I don't want to break the routine!"

I wrote in my previous post about putting my NaNo novel aside until I had a clearer head and could edit it with fresh eyes, and yet I've sat here all day working on my other blog posts, reading my new "Writer's Digest Magazine", and thinking about writing.

I wanted the month of December to be my month to work out. So I can get back in shape. Back into a routine of working out regularly. Yet, I can't let go of the writing. I dont' want to!

Now I'm trying to come up with a schedule that includes homeschool, work, writing, working out, oh and being a mom and wife who cooks and cleans.

Writing is just too important!!

Recouperating from NaNoWriMo

2009-12-03T14:58:00.000-08:00

I don't think I truly understood the magnitude of what I was doing when I was doing it. NaNoWriMo was extremely intense and taxing on my mind. I thought of little else in the month of November. I didn't return emails or phone calls on time, if at all. I didn't read any books or magazines. I rarely visited Facebook or Twitter. Even school with the kids suffered.

At the end of November, I finished and the moment I submitted my manuscript for word count verification it all hit me. I was tired! I was sick! My brain was numb! I missed reading, watching TV, my friends, and Twitter.

I have put my NaNo novel aside. Which was harder then I thought. I figured it would be easy to say the contest was over, the novel and my brain needed space, but I found turning off that mode difficult. Which is a good thing, I think. Nonetheless, I do need to force myself to put it aside, because I know I'm no longer seeing it objectively and I do have to have a balance between the manic pace I was working at and...life.

The last few days I've read four novels. I've watched TV. I've cooked. I've slept. I've taken lots of cold medicine, which makes me even sleepier. And I've gotten the kids and I back on track with school.

I'm a NaNoWriMo Winner!!!

2009-11-30T21:13:00.000-08:00

I just finished at 9:00 p.m. with 52,257 words and three hours to spare. I've been sick the last two weeks and it's made writing almost impossible. As of yesterday I had to write 18,000 words and for the last two days that is all I did. I'm exhausted. I'm sick of being sick. But I'm absolutely thrilled to be able to say I finished this! I reached an amazing goal and I have a finished novel.

Now the serious work happens. Well, maybe starting January 1st. I need to let this book sit. And with fresh eyes I'll return to it and flesh out the scenes and add almost 40,000 more words to his the word count I need to be at for a complete manuscript.

But for now, it's off to take my cold medicine and go to bed.

Final Days of NaNoWriMo

2009-11-24T14:09:00.000-08:00

It's crazy to think that we're getting down to the final days of NaNo. Where did the month go?

I have no idea what my word count is. And it's scaring the crap out of me! I haven't been feeling well and sitting at my computer to write hasn't been possible. I've been writing on paper the last week so I can fit in a few lines here and there. I take my writing everywhere with me and it's been amazing. It's allowed me to jot down scenes or ideas as they come to me, and I've actually written a lot. I've worked out almost all of the kinks and I'm super excited about that. Only problem now is I need to type in all the handwritten pages. But I'm afraid to lose momentum and to spend what time I have left typing in words that have already been written.

I'm hoping to get some of the transcribing done today and then I'll move onto writing new scenes tonight. I have family coming into town tomorrow and most of the day will be spend washing sheets and getting beds ready for eight people. I was planning to write Thursday and Friday and connect with the family on Saturday, but my step-sister isn't having any of that and is trying to convince me to head to my parents cabin on Thursday with the rest of them. But of course, that would mean me packing and cleaning today. Which, just between you and me, isn't going to happen. I MUST WRITE!!

It Only Took 20 Days

2009-11-20T12:35:00.000-08:00

As I was falling asleep last night, I was thinking about my NaNoWriMo novel and feeling very down. I'm stuck at 30,000 words and struggling with the timeline of events. I feel like I revealed some things too soon and others not soon enough. I didn't want my characters to only conflict over the lies of another. Misunderstandings just aren't good enough conflict. I talked in an earlier post about how I thought I'd take out the fact my hero and heroine had a relationship years before, but then struggled with that idea since it was truly the heart of why I wanted to write this book.

The write-in last weekend wasn't what I'd hoped. I did write 8,800 + words but honestly it was mostly crap. I was one of three people who showed up the entire 5 hours, the room was FREEZING, and my toes hurt from being so cold. I couldn't concentrate with others in the room, typing when I wasn't, or walking around when I was typing. I also wrote on my Alpha Smart since I didn't have a laptop to take. It's been a while since I wrote on it and the keys were to stiff and I couldn't refer back to previous scenes when I felt something needed to be added. Worst of all, since I got home I haven't put what I wrote into my computer document. Partly because I know its crap and the other part because it's a pain-in-the-ass to do.

So here it is Friday, November 20th and I haven't written since Sunday. I've thought about it a lot and I've been sick, but mostly...I've just been to scared to sit and face a book that I felt I was losing control of.

Until this morning!

I woke up with vague memories of what I was thinking about as I was falling asleep and it took a lot of relaxation and quietly laying with my eyes closed to remember, but I realized my characters got along to soon. I was recreating the relationship I knew they'd had years before, which now I know I needed to see how they were together in order to see how to get them back that way. I saw a big scene going very differently, my heroine doesn't forgive him as easily. She feels he betrayed her. She feels he betrayed her best friend. And for both she's very hurt. Of course being pregnant with his baby just becomes the final straw. The conversation is more of an explosion...a long time coming for her if you ask me. She's a bit repressed...about many things.

As I lay there seeing how this scene would play out I also saw how the final black moment would turn out and then quickly the rest of the scenes that would reveal all the secrets and details all fell perfectly into place.

Then I panicked!

I jumped from bed and ran into my office. Grabbed the first thing I could find to write on and scribbled notes as fast and my hand would write them. Three interruptions later, I had six pages of notes that laid out in great detail the plot of my novel.

It was beautiful!

Yet scary...

I know had to write these scenes over and I knew a lot of editing lay ahead, but I also know that I have 20,000 more words to write and it's time to buckle down and bust my ass to get it all done in 10 days.

Because I can't wait to share this book with the world.

2009-11-14T14:05:00.000-08:00

I've been sick the last few days and am getting no writing done. I hope to write a bit this afternoon and of course the Write-In is tomorrow. In the mean time I thought I'd share some inspirational quotes.

"I am so full of my work, I can't stop to eat or sleep, or for anything but a daily run." - Louisa May Alcott

"Teach yourself by your own mistakes." - William Faulkner

Both of these felt appropriate today.

NaNoWriMo-Day 11

2009-11-11T18:46:00.000-08:00

So I didn't go back and rewrite. I'm torn about that decision because the thing I loved most about this book when the idea struck me was the fact that Michael and Annie had a previous 'relationship' and that there was hurt feelings of a lost love and betrayal. And yet on the other hand I stand by my thoughts from my previous post. So I figured in the spirit of NaNo, I'd push ahead and not allow any rewrites or deletions. I mean I'm trying to hit a 50,000 word count and I'm almost halfway thorugh the month.

I'm proud to say that today I hit 24,540 words. Yeah!! That makes me 47.1% done. Hey, that 0.1% counts, baby!!

I'm gearing up for the write-in this weekend, which I'm so freaking nervous about, yet so totally excited to sit in a room with like-minded individuals in a place (the library) that I LOVE. Oh and did I mention they are serving "free" starbucks coffee?? That's right!

Oh, wait...I don't drink coffee. Do you think they'd bring me and Iced Venti Passion Tea Lemonade? No? Fine, I'll get one for myself.

Fiction Writing for Beginners

2009-11-09T23:00:00.000-08:00

A few years ago I created a Fiction Writing for Beginners course as a community education class. I came across my syllabus and lecture notes this evening while cleaning (i.e. procrastinating) in my office.

There are two things I want most in this life and that's to be a published writer and to be a teacher. Now I get to satisfy the later part by homeschooling my two kiddos.

I thought it might be fun to post a weekly lesson and have the course I created run here. You won't have to share your work or turn in any assignments, although I will be giving you some. Do them if you wish, or just enjoy the tips I share along the way. As always comments and sharing are always welcome.

In the next few days I'll be posting more about the particulars. So keep checking back!

Breaking The Rules

2009-11-08T12:33:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was a very productive day of writing. I was able to write over 4,000 words in just a few hours, which got me to 15,000 words and a head of schedule.

But something wasn't right. As I lay in bed desperately trying to sleep I was replaying all I'd written so far and I realized my conflict wasn't strong enough. I had my characters have a previous relationship, which I personally really liked, yet they were coming together to easily. They both had feelings from before, they both understood each other and therefore the arguments were short lived. As I lay there I realized why I had felt like I'd written myself into a corner the other day...the resolution of their relationship was going to happen to soon. Which is a major problem. So I knew what I had to do...

I got out of bed and settled into my office until 3:00 a.m. frantically writing notes about my characters, their problems, conflict and solutions, and finally after an hour of plotting it hit me! They can't have a prior relationship! The story will be stronger with them having to learn about each other while they are also dealing with this "very" difficult situation they've been put in. They both have preconceived ideas and feelings about each other, and will be forced to set aside their differences if they are going to deal with the problem at hand, but of course doing that makes their internal goals seems impossible to achieve. So will they reach their goals? Will they lose each other in order to obtain their goals? Or will they find that they are one in the same?

Now, I'm going to have to spend the day rewriting. Which totally sucks for my word count and my ultimate NaNo challenge. It just can't be avoided. Trust me I've thought this through...all night actually. I can't move forward because they are to far from where they need to be. Hopefully over the next few days I can make the necessary changes to the pages I have now and by next weekend be back on track writing new words. There's a write-in at the library here in town on Sunday from 1-6 p.m. and I hope to be writing my butt off there.

I'm loving my time so far with NaNoWriMo, I'm a bit exhausted (I'm a total insomniac when I write), I haven't worked out and I haven't been the most attentive mother, but I'm having a blast. Even if I don't hit my 50,000 words by the 30th I have learned some amazing things about myself as a writer and how my process works. I love the freedom that comes from leaving the internal critic at the door and opening myself to writing.

Day 4 - NaNoWriMo

2009-11-05T17:50:00.000-08:00

Didn't get up early as I'd hoped. Stayed up late again last night. But I was able to write this afternoon. And in 2.5 hours I wrote 3,437 words. Which makes me very happy. I'm still a bit short for where I'd hoped to be, but I am thrilled to have gotten a chunk of writing done.

Today there was a lot of dialogue, and I know I'm going to have to go back and add more description. The dialogue was just flowing today, my hero and heroine had a lot to say to each other. The pain is evident in both of them, they've been put in a very touch situation, but they need each other.

I'm off to make dinner for the kiddos and then I pray I'll get back here to write a little more before FlashFoward and Grey's Anatomy starts.

**Just wrote another 730 words!! But FlashForward is on so gotta go!

Toodles!!

Frustrated

2009-11-04T18:54:00.001-08:00

I haven't been able to get any NaNo writing done the last two days...which has left me very frustrated. I started with a lead and now am falling behind schedule. Part of the problem is my schedule. Since I homeschool my kiddos, most of my day is spent with them and then handling household duties and errands. Not to mention the work that must get done for the businesses we run. My goal for the month was to go to bed early and get up at 6:00 a.m. to write for a few hours before the kids got up and we had to start school. Sunday I was able to write all day since hubby had the kids at a playdate and then Monday I got up early. But sadly the last two nights I haven't been to bed early, heck I didn't go to sleep till 2 a.m. last night. I've had a lot on my mind and I, like always, take on to much.

So, my goal tonight is to get in bed early enough to allow me to get up early tomorrow morning.

Up Early

2009-11-02T07:53:00.000-08:00

I was super tired last night and ended up in bed at 9:30 p.m. and asleep shortly after. I had a pretty fitful night sleep, which is common for me when I'm writing first-drafts. It sucks actually. But I work out issues and questions, replaying scenes over and over. I got up at 6:00 a.m. to write and was able to write 818 words before my body ached to much to sit here in my chair any longer.

I drank my Chamomile Mango tea and ate chocolate. Which no I regret...feeling sick. And caught up the latest blog posts. I wasn't as productive as yesterday, lots on my mind today and finding the body aches to distracting to write any longer. I'm hoping to write more this afternoon / evening after I finish school with the kiddos.

Oh and a minor note to self as I watched all the neighbors bundled up and walking their kids to the school bus in the foggy chilled air...I'm so glad my kids are homeschooled and still asleep in their warm beds.

And We're Off....

2009-11-01T15:12:00.000-08:00

NaNoWriMo started last night at midnight and around the world there were write-in's where people gathered to write together. Unfortunately, I was not at one of those write-in's. I was Cosmic Bowling. That's right, you heard me. I was bowling. I wanted to stay home and prepare, but I figured this month was going to be tough on time and I better spend some time with the kiddos before the craziness sets in.

So we bowled...and then we changed our clocks back...and then I slept in.

That wasn't my plan and not a great way to start the first day of this writer-marathon, but I was tired. And after I got up and got started, I quickly wrote 5,687 words. Not sure how that happened or whether I wrote the same work 5,687 times. Just kidding, I did not write the same word over and over.

But then I hit a wall! I had been thinking about this story a lot over the last few months, dreaming about it, playing it out in my head instead of sleeping. So it was easy to just write out everything I had already played out over and over. But then it got murky. I have a jumble of scenes that I know will need to be in the book, but am unsure of how they will all go together. I have secrets that need to be revealed and tension to build. Lots of emotions to play out and build off of and each has to be in the right place or I risk losing the tension I hope to have.

So after hours of writing, sore back muscles and a major headaches, I'm putting aside the manuscript to lay out on paper the scenes that are in my head and hopefully that will help me make a plan for where I go next. I have to type at least 1700 words a day to make the 50,000 word count limit and today I made a good dent in those numbers, I just have to make sure I get the next scenes figured out so I can move forward next time.

NaNoWriMo

2009-10-31T14:37:00.000-07:00

I've signed up for NaNoWriMo 2009. The madness starts tomorrow!!

I considered joining in this year for a while now, but finally today I made the decision. Unfortunately, I'm far from prepared to begin such a big undertaking and I'm feeling the pressure. I have no idea which book to write, I have two that are in early plotting stages. Before tomorrow I'll decide between the two. I have no idea how I'm going to fit this into my schedule, but the last two years I have been able to find the time, so this year...I'm just going to do it!

My goal is to blog something each day to update you all on my progress and of course if any of you are participating I'd love to know how you're doing. Also you can follow me or buddy me, whatever they call it, at HCogdill.

Here is a calendar of how the month should ideally go.

Wish me luck!!

What Do We Have Here????

2009-10-27T21:18:00.000-07:00

I pulled out all my writing notebooks (these are the notebooks I use for each book, they include all the manuscript drafts, all research, character notes, plot notes, etc.) and laid them out on my office floor. My goal was to organize the notebooks and to make sure I had all drafts on my back-up hard-drive. I was very methodical and organized about this process until I was done and I realized what lay before me was ten years of work, nine complete novels, a list of 27 novel ideas, 4 partial manuscripts and a notebook full of short stories and nonfiction articles.

That's when it hit me....why is this not happening for me?? Why am I not published yet?

I know it's because these novels, personal essays and articles are sitting in my closet. It is my new goal to go through the article and begin submitting them. And to go through the complete novels, decide which I believe are ready for contests and/or submission. I'm reviewing a list of agents I'm interested in working with and will begin trying to acquire an agent.

Lots to do!

Time to Write

2009-09-28T19:13:00.000-07:00

This has been very difficult as of late. With our new school year starting and the economy in the tank. My focus has been on school lesson plans and work. Or really the lack there of. I've been reading this great book by Kelly L. Stone titled "Time to Write", and it's great. She's interviewed over 100 professional writers and has tried and true suggestions for finding time to write, writers block and avoiding distractions. Most of the ideas aren't new ones. Many most of writers have heard before, but I've enjoyed it none-the-less.

Writing a Novel in a Year

2009-08-12T19:53:00.001-07:00

This brilliant book A Novel in a Year written by Louise Doughty is my new obsession.

She's created chapters that help you begin the writing process, using exercises to push you and teach you. She leads you through a 52 weeks of funny, inspirational and life altering(writing life that is) lessons.

I've written for over...well 15 years, but seriously for a little over 9 years. I've attending countless workshops and conferences and I've met and mingled with some of NY Times bests. And yet never, in all that time and all those moments, has anyone ever really explained or given permission to the mess a novel is when in its first stages. I thought I was doing something wrong. I believed becaue my first drafts were chopping and messy and needed endless amounts of work that I was not up to par. But Louise tells us that all novels are messy. That it's necessary to let the mess evolve and grow and change. That "PLOT" is not something that you just come up with one day. It's an idea. A spark that invites you to discover it's meaning. As our brains work it all out the Plot emerges and we have that light bulb moment where you realize...THERE'S A REAL STORY HERE!!!

It's been an amazing learning experience and one that has given me freedom to let me write and to let the process be what it is.

I highly recommend this book!

The Writer Magazine

2009-08-07T17:52:00.000-07:00

My all time favorite writing magazine is The Writer. It's like a special gift when I find it in the mail. I'm always surprised and totally overwhelmed with excitement. I always flip through the magazine, one page at a time, not reading, just looking at what's in store for me. Then I turn back to page one and I read every inch. The Editor's Note, the quotes at the top of the page. I read it all the way to the end. I'm always a little sad when it's over, but it's like sitting down with my best friend over a cup of coffee and talking for hours.

And mine came today!! And so far it looks to be a good one!

In fact there are two quotes I'd like to share with you.

"It's a nervous work. The state that you need to write is the state that others are paying large sums to get rid of." - Shirley Hazzard

This quote resonates with me because I believe we as writers have to feel things deeper then most people. We have to reside with the pain, the happiness, the sorrow, longer then any other person. How else are we supposed to understand how it feels? What it does to a persons body, mind and heart? How those feelings affect their relationships? And then we write about them over and over again, feeling them as deepely as we did to begin with, and many times in ways we didn't. This can make us a little crazy. It's an overwhelming thing to hold that kind of emotion and craziness inside. But letting it out or hiding it with drugs, takes away the potency.

"When I can't write, I feel so empty." - John Steinbeck

This quote sums up exactly what my last post was about. How I felt so empty without writing. There's a piece of my soul that goes missing when I'm not writing. I've struggled recently with self doubt. Another lovely emotion! But one that can be crimpling. I was away from my story and writing that the mere act of doing it creates pain and self-doubt. The goal is to push through it and to fight to remember the good and to know that it's all part of the process. It's like working out for the first time after taking time off. The muscles are weaker, you can't lift as much or run as far, but eventually it does get easier (or at least that's what my personal trainer hubby tells me :-P)

Wise Words From Eric Maisel on "The Process"

2009-07-31T11:53:00.000-07:00

"Deep writing requires process - the creative process, the writing process - nothing less and nothing else.

Ups and downs are part of the process.

Effort and relaxation are both part of the process.

Changing your mind is part of the process.

No one particuluar energy defines the process.

Getting badly hurt is part of the process.

Both doing and not doing are part of the process.

What honoring the process means is that you accept these ups and downs and natural difficulties without too much complain. You work to influence the process in a positive way. You write. You keep an open heart. You keep an open mind. You reread and revise. You accept that certain pieces will not work, and you rejoice when pieces turn out well. You chastise and berate yourself only rarely, and you keep your eye on the writing at hand. You go deep and try to tell the truth. You dig in: you pull on your writing clothes, grab your favorite pen, and immerse yourself in the process." - Deep Writing, 7 Principles That Bring Ideas to Life

This Feels WRITE!!

2009-07-27T17:51:00.000-07:00

Life, at times, takes us for these unexpected joy rides. Little, or big, detours that lead us into unchartered territory. Unfortunately, during these little trips we seem to lose sight of what we knew. Of where we truly should be.

I have a very bad habit...many in fact, but I have a thirst for knowledge. Which typically wouldn't be considered a bad habit, but with me it is. And that's because I become obsessed with learning about new things. Sometimes I do it because I feel other things aren't working and I have to explore new options or avenues, but regardless...I find myself falling into these tangents that leave me far from my intended goal. Or OVERALL goal. And I guess that's part of bad habit #2 - my impatience.

Am I being to cryptic? Sorry! Let me explain...

I'm a writer!

I know you knew that! Why else would you be here?

I'm a writer and yet along the way I've lost that. I, at one time, felt like I had my finger on the pulse of the romance writers industry. I knew who the agents were, what they were buying and who was selling what. I could rattle off information that now doesn't even come to me at all.

I began to feel like I didn't fit with the romance industry as a writer anymore. And I also felt frustrated that I wasn't published yet. As the economy tanked and I was required to spend less time "playing" at this writing thing, I was forced to learn about other things. I had to have my finger on a different pulse.

I was trained as a Postpartum and Antepartum Doula, I opened my own company, I started a product line for mommas and babies, I had booths at shows and I got my products into local shops. I then got certified as a yoga instructor on top of all that I was doing before.

So...let me summarize - I homeschool my two kids, I co-own an architectural marketing company, I manage my husband personal training company, I'm the event coordinator for a non-profit organization, I'm a doula and yoga instructor, I hand make all products in the Pampered Momma line and I'm a wife and mother. How do I do all that??

I don't!!

Something always falls through the cracks and I end up feeling like a failure. So after have a near nervous breakdown, I stopped and sat down with a piece of paper and asked myself. What is the one thing you want to do and could do for the rest of your life?

Write

That's all I put on my paper. And then the tears came. Because in all the things I listed above, writing was not included. I'd squeezed out all time for that.

The next day I decided to clear away the bills, the other stressers and clutter and find the top of my desk. I came across this yellow pad in a file and thought to myself, "Why is that in there?" I pulled it out and on the top of the paper it said - NOVEL IDEAS - There were 23 novels ideas listed there. Page after page of ideas. Memories assaulted me. Images of these people I'd dreamed about. Their stories, the emotions...consumed me. I wrote 4 more down that day. I'd had them swarming around in my mind for many weeks. My list now sits at 27 and that doesn't include the 10 novels I've already written. I look at this and it makes me cry.

Once again I sat down, but this time I had my paper with "write" written on it. And then another list of all the things I'm currently responsible for. I took a third piece of paper and wrote write at the top and then listed below the things I couldn't take away. Mother, wife, co-owner, etc and then I realized I was going to have to give up my doula work and the product line. It makes me very sad to see that go. Because I enjoy the crafty side of that business. But it was always a struggle. A fight to learn the retail business. I didn't understand it and I honestly don't want to.

Sitting down with writing is like coming home. It's comfortable and yet scary. It'll be a lot of work getting back to where I was when I left. But it's necessary for me to do the work. To relearn.

And here are my goals to get started again.

*Create a writing schedule...and stick to it!

*Don't Quit!

*Start up with a critique group again

*Learn to ask for help (this one is tough!)

*Rediscover my VOICE. And then respect it and let it happen.

*Write a business plan. Nothing happens by accident. No more spinning my wheels.

*Find a balance between writing/work and life. No more working 24/7. I have to find a way to do both, but not always at the same time.

*And last...I WANT it! And because I want it that bad, I'm going to do whatever it takes to make sure it happens. No more distractions. No more tangents. No more side jobs. I know I can do this!! I never use to think publishing wasn't going to happen. I always believed it was just a matter of time.

And that time is NOW.

Who's coming with me??

New Blog

2009-03-26T22:27:00.000-07:00

I've started a new blog...Holistic Momma. It'll be a place for me to include all the different aspects of my personality and interests.

Please come on over and visit me there.

This doesn't fit!

2009-02-27T13:17:00.000-08:00

Have you ever put on a pair of jeans and they just didn't fit? Skin bulges over the top forming that ever-loving muffin top. Your legs feel like they've been put in a vice and you worry you'll split your backside if you sat.

That's my life right now! My life doesn't fit. I feel like I can't move, function within the vice like grip it has on me. The fear of making the wrong choices along with the media's fear campaign has left me to afraid to do anything. I feel like I'm grasping at straws hoping something takes and yet nothing does. The panic becomes my main focus during the day that I end up getting nothing accomplished. Which of course just makes the stress level rise.

So...I'm taking back control of my life!! We may very well loose everything and despite the fact that would SUCK! I will at least know that we lost it all in tact. That we remained the people we are and the parents we want to be.

My initiation back to myself is to clean. This is my usual remedy which cleanses my spirit and opens my mind to new things, so I figured it was fitting for this as well. By Monday, I plan to be back to ME! My life will fit again...I pray. No more muffin top. No more vice like grip. I want mobility and freedom from all this fear.

Tootles!!

Doubts

2009-01-27T13:42:00.000-08:00

Doubt, "to be uncertain about; consider questionable or unlikely; hesitate to believe" -Dictionary.

Doubts are a dangerous thing for any writer. Because when doubt rears it's ugly head our confidence, along with our productivity, takes a nose dive.

I'm sure you've all met those writers who have an abundance of confidence, they seem to carry their head a little higher then the rest. They exude a vibe that screams, "I'm a successful writer".

As of late, my doubts, or that little devil voice that likes to play mind games with me, has crept into my daily thoughts, and even last night into my dreams. The little voice tells me I'll never make writing fit into my life. That it's impossible for me to ever succeed. As I awoke this morning with this layer of doubt spreading through my heart I got angry. If the little devil was standing in front of me I would have liked to knock him out. (yes he's a he and not she...wonder what that means?)

Instead I got up and I wrote. I put away the piles of business files and tax preparation stuff to get to my keyboard and I wrote. It didn't matter what it was or whether it was any good...because for a short time I was writing and the doubts slinked away with their tail between their legs dragging that little devil voice with them.

Today I won!!

Dragon Naturally Speaking Software

2009-01-22T20:46:00.000-08:00

I bought ScanSoft's Dragon Naturally Speaking software a few years ago, but have yet to really use it. After I purchased it and installed the software on my laptop I tried to use it a few times, but found myself frustrated by the amount of errors it made. Also, to be totally honest, I found the process far more intimidating then I thought it would be. I found that writing out load made my brain freeze. I even tried to write in long hand and then read my words...but that too embarrassing.

I put the software to the side and hoped that one day I'd have some free...ALONE...time and I'd be able to try it again.

And now here I am years later, having come across the software and again wondering if I could bring myself to use it.

Here's the thing...I try new things, new ways of writing. I read about other writers process and I'm game to try their way, yet find that I always fall back into my "old" habits. I guess what I've come to understand is I can't change who I am as a writer. That I have "my own" process and I have to embrace that. Although it's frustrating and not as efficient as many others...it's how I get the job done.

That being said...I may try the speaking software one more time. :)

Have any of you tried a speaking software before? If so, what did you think?

Happy New Year!

2008-12-31T12:04:00.000-08:00

My New Year's Eve plans have gotten very boring since I had children. It seems that every year we end up doing some project around the house. Three years ago we were remodeling our bedroom and as the ball dropped we were completing the last little touches.

Two years ago we were finally going to a party...with the kids, and I as I stepped out of the shower my daughter came rushing into the bathroom and told me daddy needed my help. I found hubby half passed out on the floor in our bedroom. And our evening ended in a trip to the emergency room...ambulance and everything. Truly the scarest moment of my life.

And then last year, well after the emergency room scare the year before, we decided to stay close to home, so we watched a movie and fell asleep before midnight.

And this year... well, hubby drove to Seattle to spend New Year's Eve with my stepbrother. They plan to have lots of fun. I, on the other hand, decided to stay home with the kids. Today we're cleaning the house, and then we'll curl up on the couch or in my big bed and watch movies and have a slumber party. Not the most glamorous of New Year's Eve plans, but I'm a mom and there's nothing better then snuggling with the kids.

So here's to saying goodbye to 2008, a year I am very happy to see go. I pray that 2009 brings a more peaceful world, full of less fear and more unity. I pray we all are blessed this year. We are all in for changes and many I freely and willingly accept.

Happy New Year!!!

Before and After

2008-12-23T16:30:00.001-08:00

Our first round of snow came a week ago Sunday. In an earlier post I wrote about playing in the snow with the kids and how fun we were having....

We not anymore!

We have over two feet of snow at our house and we are a low elevation compared to much of Portland. Here is how the house looked after storm #1

and here it is after storm #2,3,and 4.

We've been for the most part trapped in our house, since the roads have been so terrible.

During Saturday's storm the snow was so light and fluffy that we decided to walk to the shopping area by us and take the kids to Starbucks. It started as an adventure...who needs a car when there's snow to play in? Turns out the walk was like over 4 miles round trip. We had a blast! And it was coming down hard on our way back, but it was definately one of those memories we'll all remember forever. Here are a few pictures I snapped with my cell phone.

After we were home and warm in our house the snow just kept on falling. And now this is all we see...

2008-12-22T22:00:00.000-08:00

"At some point you must actually do the thing you say you should be doing, rather than wishing that you were doing it or making excuses for not doing it. You must bite the bullet and do it, even if that means making mistakes, falling short, and hurting your heart in the process." ~ Eric Maisel

I respect Eric Maisel very much. I think he's a brillant man and he's insanely RIGHT...which is scary :) If you haven't had a chance to read any of his books, I encourage you to do so. His book Coaching the Artist Within is brillant. It's about becoming your own creativity coach and it focuses on creativity in all possible forms....dance, art, music, and writing, only to name a few. His other book Creativity for Life, which the above quote came from, speaks of how creativity affect us as people.

I chose this quote because for me it's a reaccuring theme. I struggle daily with long to do lists, kids, house, and so much more. It always seems that by the end of the day writing is either the last thing I do or I don't get to it at all. I think about writing, I talk about writing, hell I even dream about it...but actually logging in the time at the computer gets harder and harder. And with life as difficult as it is at this present moment my writing time is non-existent. But Eric's words are posted above my desk as a reminder that it's not always an easy thing and at times it'll be a painful process, but that it's important for me to do it anyway.

Your Inner Life - Ways to Celebrate Yourself

2008-12-21T19:00:00.000-08:00

In the January 2009 edition of Redbook Magazine, there was an article listing 30 ways to celebrate yourself, by Anna Davies. All 30 ideas were fantastic, but a few struck a cord with me. So I thought I'd turn it into a questionnaire of sorts.

1) Buy yourself a new pair of undies that make you feel sexy -- this sounds like it should work...in theory. But I've taken this a step further and I've actually put on my sexy undies and bra and worked out in them. Yep, you heard me right!! :) Now don't jump ahead...I do it in the privacy of my own bedroom, but what I noticed was watching my muscles as I workout gave me an emotional and psychological boost that bled into my life in other ways. It's truly amazing to watch how strong you can be. Besides, we don't normally see ourselves in moves like that while wearing sexy undies. But our guys like us in them, so why not get a good look and learn ways you like to move your body while in your skivies.

What do you think? Would you try it?

2) Write down your three favorite traits about yourself and pull it out whenever you need a little pick me-up -- Again this sounds silly and a bit egotistical...but we, especially as women, are so difficult on ourselves that we need to remember the things we are good at or things that make us special. Many therapists recommend creating a list of positive traits about yourself. Let's start by naming three qualities about ourselves we appreciate. Me first... 1)I'm a good friend...this I know about myself. 2)I'm a good mother, if I never do anything else in my life...this I did with my whole heart and soul. 3)I'm a nurturer. Always have been and always will be. I'd give a stranger everything I had just to make things better for them. This quality is a positive and a negative. It's one that gets abused the most by people, but I've also realized it's who I am and I am a happier person when giving of myself.

Name three of your traits or qualities you like about yourself?

3)Name the Hollywood icon you most relate to. Have your own private movie marathon in her (and your) honor -- Kate Winslet is my Hollywood icon. I'd curl up with Holiday, Titanic, Iris, Quills and Finding Netherland...just to start :) I think she's an amazing actress and I think her sense of body image is to be commended.

Who is your Hollywood icon you relate to??

4)Take in a matinee by yourself. Grab some popcorn and sit anywhere you want -- I've only done this a few times, but I was never technically alone. When my daughter was just a few months old I would take her to the movies with me. She'd sleep the whole time...she was so amazingly good. But truly, 100% alone? Never...although this is something I'd like to try. I think it's an experience that would be valuable.

Have you ever attended a matinee or a movie at all alone?

5)Special clothes aren't only for special occasions. Dress in an outfit you love on an otherwise ordinary day and enjoy the instant surge of "I know I look good" confidence -- Like our special dishes, towels and sheets, we put these things away for "a special occasion", yet we go around on a daily basis feeling frumpy and on edge. So I say pull out that special outfit and enjoy. Life is to short... Besides, styles change so often, before you know it your special something will no longer be stylish. Mine would have to be my dressy clothes. I have a few dresses and slacks that I feel very good in and yet I don't wear them because I work at home and feel like I'll get dirty or wrinkled.

What's your special occassion outfit?

6) Change your desktop screen saver to a photo of a place you've always wanted to go -- I have a beautiful photo of Cannon Beach on the Oregon Coast at Sunset. And although it's gorgeous! I also no longer see it...and I mean truly see it...the details that make it special. So I say lets change it every few weeks or months. Think of places you've always wanted to go. The Bahamas, Paris, Australia, New York. Wherever it is, find a photo that inspires you. I would choose something warm and tropical like the Bahamas or Australia or the magical lands of Ireland or Scotland. Heck, anything Paris.

Where would you select?

7)Declare a beloved blossom "your" flower -- I love tulips. I don't know why exactly, but everytime I see one I feel happy. I also love Hyacinthus. This flower cluster is so fragrent. I LOVE the way they smell. But if I could only have one I'd have to pick Hyacinthus because of the smell and beauty.

Which blossom would you choose as your own?

8)Design a font in your own handwriting. At fontifier.com, you can create a font based on a handwriting sample you upload. Preview for free or download for $9 -- I WANT this. I haven't done it yet, but I can't wait!!! I think it would be awesome to have a font that's truly my own.

What about you? Would you want a font of your handwriting?

9)Create your own greatest-hits playlist -- I have a few different ones, depending on my mood. As I've mentioned before I like Pandora.com for this exact reason. I save the playlists and return to them again and again. Some of my favorites include Secondhand Serenade, Plumb, Enya, and Delta Goodrum.

Who'd be on your playlist?

10)Have daily, bite-size chunks of that classic novel you've always meant to read delivered to your inbox for free at dailylit.com -- I'm truly a "book in my hands" type of reader. But I tried this site and so far LOVE it. I am currently getting War and Peace, Women in Love, and The Yellow Wallpaper each day. It's simple to read about a page or so of each first thing in the morning when I check my email. Also I get my emails on my BlackBerry and I can read while I'm on the go. I've wanted to read War and Peace for many years and now am getting my chance. And Women in Love is GREAT!

Which titles would you choose to get in your inbox?

11)Pick up some school supplies -- Now come on!! This one is a given. Heck I do this on a regular basis. I LOVE pens. It's truly an addiction. What writer can go into an office store or walk by a wall of pens and not examine them for the newest and best...and then of course walk out with atleast one. And Paper!! Well, don't get me started. The other thing the article mentioned was crayons. Now I don't normally lean toward the art supplies, but I think it would be a great tool to pick up and play with. Maybe it'll kick start the must when she's being tempermental :)

What school supplies would make you feel pampered or celebrated?

12)Look through a book of poetry or go to poetry.com, pick a poem that moves you, and memorize a few lines -- I love poetry. It's something I wish I had a talent for, but sadly do not. My poetry in the past consisted mostly of questions... don't ask.

What is your favorite poem?

13)And one of my own...Visit momversation.com - It's addictive!!

14)Other things I do to celebrate myself:

*Take a long hot bath, with a book and candles.
*I love to buy candles. I can have candles lit all around my house and still not have enough ;)
*Christmas lights. There is something magical and special about them. I feel utter bliss when sitting in the room with nothing but the xmas lights on.
*Reading a good book!
*Going to the bookstore and spending hours just browsing.

And you? What are some of the ways you celebrate yourself?

Share with us!!

Winter Wonderland

2008-12-15T12:59:00.000-08:00

Portland got hit by some artic air, which met with moisture and we got SNOW! They warned us...they did, but true Oregonians are more the believe it when we see it type. And well, they were right. We woke up to snow about 1.25 inches and that's alot. I love how the world gets quiet and we all hunker down and enjoy the warm house and hot chocolate and sitting by the fire. But first we had to venture into the snow for a bit of play.

We pulled out our tote full of snow clothes. Why I don't do this before the snow hits is beyond me. But Dustin pulled out the ladder and climbed into the attic for the tote. We dug through for snow boots and gloves.

The kids set out to build a snow family. We even had a little one for Ryker, the family dog.

As we finished up our snow replicas...the snow began to fall again and the east wind brought in even colder temperatures so we headed inside for some lunch. I whipped up a batch of potato soup and hot chocolate and we ate and drank our fill...in front of the fireplace of course!!

Now today we are still iced in. The temperatures are way below freezing and we expect to stay there for the remainder of the week. Dustin chained up the Pathfinder and headed to the grocery store for necessities...just in case ;)

I hope you all stay warm and remember to drive safe or stay home where it's warm.

Hugs!

Well....

2008-12-08T20:20:00.000-08:00

I know the title is so grabbing...isn't it? I just didn't know how else to describe the results of the show. The show wasn't as big of a success as I think we all hoped it would be. I think the economy played a huge role in that. I did sell some stuff, which was great and I hope everyone enjoys their items...but I came home with a lot. So I need to get the stuff listed on etsy.

A little treasure to come out of the whole evening was Baby Oliver. One of women who had another table brought her little baby along and he decided he wasn't going to let momma setup. He started crying...hard... and she was flustered trying to get him calmed. Well, I was finished with my setup and feeling a bit flustered myself...you see, sales isn't my strong suit. I'll work my little fingers into early arthritus, but to stand there and sell my stuff...my heart can't handle it :) So when I heard little Oliver's cries and saw that his momma hadn't begun setup, I offered to hold him. Of course there was that moment of, "this women is a stranger, I can't give her my precious baby" look in her eyes, so I told her I was a doula and she handed him over. He stopped crying. She looked shocked and relieved all at the same time. She rushed to her table to setup while Oliver and I walked the floor. And all was right in my world. I am the most at peace with a baby in my arms. Little Oliver reminded me who I was and what was the most important to me. I could have cared less about the show and all the stuff I hoped to sell. Because in those moments all I cared about was making sure Oliver was okay.

Once the show got underway Oliver was back in his mommas arms fast asleep...and I was freaking out again :) After the show, I was once again packed up quickly and when Oliver started to cry again I was more then willing to hold him again and lucky me she handed him over.

She even included me in her blog...isn't that sweet? Here is the link to her blog Cat in an Apron. She has a fantastic website full of the greatest stuff...so check it out!

So the show wasn't a great success for sales, but for me personally it was. I got to be me.

I'm having yarn dreams

2008-11-23T18:40:00.001-08:00

Lately I've woken up in the middle of the night frantically trying to untangle myself from the yarn nightmares. I thrash around before I realize I'm only dreaming and I'm not tangled in a web of yarn. I sigh and try to go back to sleep.

This might be comical if not for the piles of yarn around my office.

And that's just the pile I bought this afternoon. My hope is that by the end of the week this pile will be 10-14 beautiful scarves.

Here I'm knitting a cozy white scarf...

My other goal is to finish this pile of already cut compresses this week.

The show is two weeks away and in the middle of that is Thanksgiving, so I'm in a mad dash to get all this finished. On top of all the show preparation I'm working hard to make my website and etsy shop better. My house for some reason doesn't have very good light for photo taking...so I struggle to get bright enough photos. So in the midst of all this stuff I'm working on creating a photo studio of sorts. I also had to run out to find a bust that I can use to display scarves on. I didn't find one...but I did find this.

Music, Music, Music

2008-11-19T23:22:00.000-08:00

If you haven't heard of Pandora.com you've been missing something in your life...big time.

Pandora.com is the coolest music website. You type in an artist or song title and the site will select music types that fit the music streams live. I turn it on while I'm working in my office and the best music plays. You can create more then one playlist to fit every mood.

If you haven't tried it...you MUST check it out.

One Word Answers

2008-11-15T17:35:00.001-08:00

Posie Gets Cozy had this meme on her blog and asked us to play along.

Where is your mobile phone? desk
Where is your significant other? upstairs
Your hair colour? brownredcinnamon (is that one word?)
Your mother? Inspired
Your father? Quiet
Your favourite thing? books
Your dream last night? naughty
Your dream goal? published
The room you're in? cold
Your hobby? crafts
Your fear? dying
Where do you want to be in 6 years? beach
Where were you last night? working
What you're not? liar
One of your wish-list items? black boots
Where you grew up? Oregon
The last thing you did? errands
What are you wearing? jeans
Your TV? off
Your pets? annoying
Your computer? demanding
Your mood? reflective
Missing someone? Always
Your car? Pathfinder
Something you're not wearing? contacts (I'm wearing lots of clothes---see room)
Favourite shop? bookstore
Your summer? over :(
Love someone? Relentlessly
Your favourite colour? wine
When is the last time you laughed? Ethan
When is the last time you cried? Friday

Okay, so not all one word answers. Harder then it sounds. I feel like I must explain...Try it, it's fun!

Holiday Soiree

2008-11-05T23:03:00.000-08:00

Here is the information on the Holiday Show that Ann and I are in. I'm still in a mad rush to complete all the product and now with all the Comfort Connie and Comfort Connor dolls to make...ahhhh!! It's too much!

But here is the information...so everyone mark your calendars!!

Eight Questions

2008-11-03T18:51:00.000-08:00

My bestest friend Dixie's sister, Gina, had this one on her blog. Her blog is fun and I have enjoyed getting to know her through it. Anyway, she tagged anyone who wanted to play and I thought it was fun to read, so I thought I'd try.

Here goes....

8 Questions

8 Things I am Passionate About:
1 My husband and children
2 Writing
3 Volunteering, helping others
4 Homeschooling my children
5 Reading
6 Family genelogy
7 Being a good friend
8 Chocolate!

8 words/phrases I use often:
1 Be quiet while I'm on the phone.
2 Get in bed!
3 Stay in bed!
4 If you don't stay in bed I'm taking away snack time. (yes the kids like to get up alot)
5 Hands (My signal for the kids to hold my hand)
6 I need a snuggle. (It's what Ethan and I say to each other when we need a hug.)
7 Learn your manners.
8 Not tonight honey. :)

8 things I want to do before I die:
1 Go to Europe, Scotland, Ireland, Canada. I guess travel ;)
2 Have a book published
3 I want to see cancer cured before I die.
4 Watch my children grow and have babies for me to spoil
5 See New York at Christmas Time
6 Run a marathon
7 Live by the ocean
8 Make a living as a writer.

8 things I've learned in the past:
1 Becareful what you say and to whom.
2 Everyone deserves respect
3 No one is perfect
4 Children are our future
5 Work hard!
6 Pay it forward
7 What you put out you get back (or so I'm told)
8 Everyone has a story. (Gina, this one I love!!)

8 things I currently want/need:
1 Less Stress
2 A vacation
3 The economy to level out
4 A house cleaner
5 A Nanny
6 A new hair cut (my last one looks terrible!!!)
7 The political ads to stop on TV
8 An Iced Passion Tea Lemonade

8 Things that happened yesterday:
1 Organized my hall closets. (they really needed it)
2 Did the laundry
3 Turned a dream into reality. I had a dream that I turned a comfort compress into a doll and called it Comfort Connie and Comfort Connor. I made one and it's adorable!!! I love dreams.
4 Hubby made his special chinese food (pork with green beans over brown rice) and we ate it with chop sticks.
5 Drank lots of tea. Nothing like warm tea on a cold day.
6 Watched Sicko by Michael Moore and then researched online about moving to France. Harder then it sounds. Maybe one day!!
7 Sold a book on Amazon.com to a women in Australia. Maybe we'll move there!
8 Started my period (yes I know, you all wanted to know this) and spent the evening with a comfort compress wrapped around my stomach and curled in a ball begging for drugs.

8 Things I look forward to:
1 Twilight movie!!!
2 My mom's visit at the end of November
3 Holiday food. All so yummy
4 Snow. I love watching how excited the kids get. I love the purity in each thing they do.
5 Having more children...wishful thinking
6 Watching my children grow up
7 Holiday Soiree. I can't wait for it to be over :)
8 To have my hair again (one day...it'll grow...right? I can always change the color...right?)

8 Things I love about fall:
1 The colors. It's amazing how beautiful it all is just before it dies. I'm still trying to find meaning there.
2 Colder nights with sunny days.
3 Potato soup
4 Pies...
5 Sweaters!! I love being able to cover my body up.
6 Down comforters. Thick, soft blankets to snuggle under.
7 Hot chocolate and tea.
8 Having a fire in the fireplace

Creativity for Life

2008-11-01T14:10:00.000-07:00

I’m working on two novels right now. The first one I was writing here and there, until I woke up one morning with an entire novel idea..fully developed plot and characters. It’s tentatively titled, “A Life Half Lived”. It’s one of those projects that haunts me all hours of the day. I haven’t had the time I’d like to work on it, but I’m slowly getting it out. I get up every morning and write from 5 a.m. – 7 a.m. and then go back to bed for an hour or so before starting the rest of my day. Although I’m not a morning person and it feels like I’m going to die when I get up…I look forward to it. My whole day feels out of sorts when I miss a day. I love writing when it’s dark outside and the world around me is still asleep. It feels a bit decadent. My days are then full of kids, work, and more kids, but I know that for a short time I was writing, and it was mine, and it feels very good.

I’ve been reading “Creativity for Life”, by Eric Maisel. He also wrote “Coaching the Artist Within”. He writes about creativity and those who choose to do it. And it’s a drive. A desire to connect with the world around us. But what I find so interesting is there are others out there who…for one thing, get what I feel, but for another…they are passionately driven to paint, dance, or play music. They are as possessed about their creativity form, as I am about writing. I love art, I love dance, and I love music, but I’ve never felt this deep need to create in that medium before. Yet with writing, it’s a sense of being possessed, of feeling magic burst from my fingertips as the words appear before me. I can’t sleep or eat for the need to tell the stories of these people who have chosen me to tell their stories. I love that there are others out there who feel the same way. I love that we have this.

Do you think it’s just a part of us? Is it in my DNA? Is it learned? Did I watch my father reading and writing when I was a young child and it just became a part of me? Or in the womb, as my brain was forming, did characters speak to me?

I wonder about this!

Craft Day

2008-10-27T11:49:00.001-07:00

Sorry for the lack of posts recently. I get on a roll and then something breaks it and I end up not getting back here for a while.

I've been busy with Pampered Mommas Corner. All the crafting has taken up much of my days. My girlfriend and I are in a Holiday Soiree, where we will be representing women business owners and selling our crafts. We're very excited and I'll be posting more on this later.

Ann and I spent the weekend camped out in her house working on our crafts...product :) Here is a shot of our work area. Ann's hubby turned their garage into our "studio" for the weekend. Note the photos don't inlude us...that's more for your benefit then ours ;)

And yes we were drinking! Strawberry Margaritas!! Yummy. Then we switched to a very tasty Pinot Grigio. I slept very well that night!

Day one I worked on my crocheting crafts...as seen in the above photo. Day two I worked on sewing Comfort Compresses. Lots and lots of compresses.

Join the Army

2008-10-01T17:49:00.000-07:00

As you all know the fight for Cancer is a passion of mine. I've seen up close the affects of this disease and there is now something we can. We can join a research study...as healthy women to find a cure for breast cancer.

Here is the information and link.

The Love/Avon Army of Women offers women the opportunity to partner with the scientists who are conducting research that will end this disease--once and for all.

Breast cancer has been around for decades, but it does not have to be our future. We can be the generation that stops breast cancer once and for all by figuring out what causes this disease and how to prevent it!

Sign up for your sister, mother, daughter, granddaughter, best friend, and the woman you met last week. This is YOUR chance to be part of the research that will end breast cancer.

It takes a just a minute to join. But the impact we will have will last a lifetime.

Please Join Me in Being One in a Million! www.armyofwomen.org

There's Change in the Air

2008-09-25T12:21:00.000-07:00

There are many changes happening around here, and I don't mean the weather. Although, that is changing too. The days are cooler and the leaves are turning colors. It's one of the prettiest seasons, even though I do prefer the warmer weather. I am, however, kind of enjoying the sweaters. I'm not a big "show lots of skin" kind of person, which makes liking warm weather a bit difficult. I do love cool days where I can wear thick sweaters and curl up in front of the fireplace with a cup of tea. And thankfully Portland offers a bit of both, so I'm lucky.

As for the other changes I spoke of, well, those are changes professionally. I've decided it's time to expand on my services. As a doula I work with families who have newborns or occassionally bedrest mommas. I love it! I enjoy every minute of it, but my goal as a doula is to work myself out of a job. I'm there to help new parents adjust to life with their new baby by building confidence in their abilities to parent and to handle all that's involved. But many families are still in need of help, not so much with the typical doula services; breastfeeding, bathing, postpartum care, etc., but just the long list of things that must get done. So I've expanded! I now offer a wide-range of services that are meant to assist parents with their hectic lifestyle. www.pamperedmomma.net

And if that wasn't enough, Pampered Momma is now making crafts. Or I am :). I'm not the craftest person, it's definately not a natural talent, but I have found that it's calming and I need that right now. So instead of leaving piles of crafts around my house, I'm selling them on Etsy.com. Check them out! www.pamperedmommascorner.etsy.com

Heading Out Again

2008-09-16T23:09:00.001-07:00

I leave tomorrow for Hood River...again. I hoped by week four that I'd have the packing thing down, but each week seems to offer new things, from weather to the projects I want to work on, so packing seems to take forever. Plus, I take the Mustang so hubby has the SUV and that always offers a challenge in packing. There is more room in the backseat then the trunk.

My days home were full and busy, as usual. I enjoyed my time with the family, I got to have lunch with my dear friend Dina, which was fantastic. I worked a lot. And I even got a bit of research done for the new book. The book centers around a pretty heavy subject...Cancer...so I'm reading a lot to make sure I get it all right. The plot is done and I'm chomping at the bit to begin writing, but this one is special and I am holding back until everythig is in place. The last thing is this research...

But that's on hold until after I return.

For now it's back to packing...and hopefully a long night of sleep! I get anxious about this time each week...knowing I'm leaving and hoping I don't forget anything, and yet I'm excited because I get to see the baby. I really enjoy what I do and it's pretty awesome to be invited into peoples homes to help care for their precious babies. Plus, that baby smell...intoxicating.

I'll check in when I return.

Toodles!!

I'm Relaxin' Mom

2008-09-12T21:19:00.000-07:00

I left Hood River this morning at 7:00 a.m. and arrived home at 8:30 a.m. EXHAUSTED. I stumbled into the house and into my bed. After only two and half hours of sleep I again stumbled down the stairs to find this...

When I asked my son what he was doing, he said..."I'm relaxin mom."

And like nothing else could...he made me laugh. It doesn't matter how tired I get or how stressful something may appear. The site of my son sitting outside, reading and relaxin'...makes it all worth it.

Checking In

2008-09-08T18:13:00.000-07:00

I thought I'd catch you all up with the goin's on.

First let me tell you...I'm exhausted! Beyond exhausted. My current doula client hired me from 7 p.m. - 7 a.m. and I get NO sleep while there, so I spend my days off trying to catch up on sleep. I just had another birthday and realize I'm not young anymore! My body doesn't bounce back as easily after all-nighters.

I am still very excited about this new book. My dream has turned into one hell of a novel idea. I'm bursting at the seams with excitement. I, unfortunately, haven't found time, since the dream and the subsequent madly scribbled notes, to actually write in more detail. I was able to spend a day, while in Hood River, laying out the outline and making sure the pacing of it was right. And it just worked. Simple. Easy. And still totally intimidating!

I read Sandra Brown's new book SMOKE SCREEN. And I have to say it is my least favorite of all her books. In fact, I struggled through the whole darn thing. And that's very disappointing since I am a huge fan of hers. I own every single book she's every written.

Started LIFE IS A VERB, by Patti Digh, and I LOVE this one. Won't say more now...I plan to blog about this topic later.

For those who have read my blog for a while, know I volunteer as a ChemoPal with the Children's Cancer Association...Well, my Kiddo just found out she's in Remission!!! I'm so thrilled for her and her family. She's an amazing girl and I was so excited to get this news.

I'm enjoying the warm weather and the cool nights we are having here in the Pacific Northwest. It's my favorite time of year!!

Out of Town Working

2008-09-07T19:02:00.000-07:00

I've been out of town the last week working. I've been staying at my parents cabin in the woods located in White Salmon Washington. It's on a little creek...Buck Creek, to be exact. I've been hired by a family in Hood River to care for their newborn son during the nights. Hood River, for those who don't know it, is on the Gorge and it's beautiful there. I have to take the Hood River Bridge each day from Washington to Oregon.

This is the view from the bridge:

And this is driving along Hwy 14 on the Washington side looking West down the Gorge.

Hubby and the kids joined me over Labor Day weekend and we enjoyed the warm weather. We played games and the kids hiked around the creek behind the cabin. We rode bikes, played in the White Salmon River, climbed trees, and all around enjoyed the time together.

Dreams

2008-08-26T11:34:00.000-07:00

I am a dreamer.

I don't always remember each of my dreams, but I'm am fortunate enough to remember a good amount of them. I love waking up to a good dream, where I wish I could close my eyes and fall back asleep just to pick up where I left off.

Lately, I don't remember my dreams. Or I'm not dreaming...

There have been two dreams the last couple of months. Both were full, well-rounded, and complete. They were novels. In the seconds it took me to wake up the dream/novel appears to me from beginning to end. Characters and their motivations and internal struggles. The conflict and the emotion behind each scene. It's as if I read the book while asleep and am just remembering it.

The book I've been slowly working on the last few months began as one such dream. And it's been one of the easies to write.

Then night before last it happened again. This one was so powerful, so consuming I wrote it all out yesterday. I couldn't stop and I couldn't write fast enough.

To be perfectly honest...it freightened me how easy it was. Where were the months of plotting worksheets and character bio's? Where were the endless false starts and dead ends? Don't get me wrong, it's a blessed gift from God to be able to have novel ideas come to me this way, but they always seem to come when writing has been pushed towards the back burner. When life is crazy and the last thing I have time for is writing all day. Then gain, maybe that's why the dreams come. Maybe it's my muse telling me to write, forcing me to the page. I gues I'll have to sleep less, eat less, even shower less (okay, maybe not that).

Writing Space

2008-08-18T19:23:00.000-07:00

Every writing how-to book, every writing instructor, as-well-as every writer, will tell you to make a place for writing. The space becomes sacred and yours. It welcomes the muse to come out and play.

These are all just ploys, really. It's not about the place, as much as the act of doing it. Putting pen to paper. Fingers to keyboard.

What's interesting to me is more the time, the place, that is the most productive. We, if forced, could write almost anywhere. And most of us, especially mothers, are forced to write when the time allows. But that doesn't mean it's our ideal time. Think of those times when you've sat down to write and the words flowed out of you effortlessly. When your fingers couldn't move fast enough to catch all your characters were saying. Those times...they are your ideal writing situations.

Mine? The house is quiet, the kids and the hubby are out of the house for a few hours, the whole day is the BEST. The weather is warm, not to hot, but the sun is shinning and the wind is blowing enough to rustle the leaves outside. And it's quiet. I'm sitting in my office, the candles are lit, and a bottle of COLD Diet Coke is sitting next to me.

That's my ideal setting. Nothing could stop me from writing when all those factors are at play. But it's also wishful thinking. In over a year it's happened twice. Obviously I must write more often then that in order to be at all productive, so I make consessions. I write when it's not so quiet, and the kids are making noise in the background. I write in the car while my kids are at camp or gymnastics...although the lack of bathroom facilities makes this one tricky.

There are other places I've also found DON'T work for me.

Coffee shops - especially Starbucks. They are SO LOUD!! And all those people, are so much more enjoyable to watch and eavesdrop on then to write. Can you say procrastination??

Airports - for all the same reasons as above.

Parks - Either to hot or to cold. And the seating...leaves a lot to be desired.

Libraries - Almost too quiet, and I would so rather be looking at all the great books around me.

So tell me, what are your favorite places to write? What is your ideal place or setting?

Courage

2008-08-13T22:34:00.000-07:00

"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow".

This quote is my mantra. If you think about courage and all that we must do that takes courage, you realize that in every aspect of life there are chances for failure. Of not doing enough. Of not being present enough.

Courage...true courage!! Is the voice that reminds you that what you have done is good enough, and that tomorrow we'll try again.

I use this little mental pep-talk in regards to writing, cleaning the house, and even bills.

It's a bit of forgiveness at the end of a very long day.

First Books

2008-08-03T17:19:00.000-07:00

I wrote last about first novels, by new writers, and how I've been lucky to read some amazing examples of these this last week.

One that haunts me still is Losing the Moon by Patti Callahan Henry. It was her first novel published in 2004. Since, she's written a hand full more. Losing the Moon has, I believe, forever changed the way I think. Or at least, how I view my life and relationships.

Losing the Moon description from Patti's website is as follows: Like most mothers, Amy Reynolds has anticipated the moment when her son brings home his first serious girlfriend. But when he does, she’s shocked to meet the girl’s father. He is none other than Nick Lowry – the college boyfriend who captivated her heart and soul and then, without a word of explanation or warning, disappeared.

What kept me enthralled in this story till the wee hours of the morning was how Patti develed into the emotions that are so common in women and men after years of marriage and children. It's this moment where we wonder what if we'd done it different. Where did those dreams go? Where did I go? We become so consumed with the way life closes in around us and we get distracted. Distracted away from our dreams, or those teenage, unrealistic ideas of what we'll be when we grow up. Instead we end up in jobs we didn't expect. A life we hadn't anticipated. It's not always bad. But in that moment we wonder about the other possibilities.

For many that involves lost love. Or loss of the excitement...it once was. Instead we see all the annoying little habits of our mate and children and think another man wouldn't do things like this. It would be different...better. But it's not. Because in those moments where his dirty clothes or his lack of attention pushes you to that point of wanting something else, well...it'll be different, but not necessarily better.

Losing the Moon is about reevluating life and how desire for something different, something better, something lost, can wreck havoc on your life.

For me this book reminded me of the love I felt for my husband when we first met. I was the lucky one...I married my first love.

First Books

2008-08-02T15:14:00.000-07:00

I've had the pleasure of reading (by coincidence) first novels by new writers lately. And 95% of them I've not only been pleasantly surprised by, but enthralled by. The last one I read (in two nights) was Twilight, by Stephenie Meyer. Now Dixie is laughing because she's already discovered the magic of this book, well, many have already. I resisted because I'm not a big vampire fan. It's been a kick the publishing industry has been on for a while, and as a writer, was hoping it was ending soon.

I'd heard of Twilight from many people, in fact, part of the movie was filmed here in Portland at one of the local schools. So when you all see the movie you'll see the inside of a Portland school.

I picked up Twilight, curious from a writers stand point, to see how Stephenie Meyer has captured such a huge following and with a first book. I was so pleasantly surprised. What an amazing book. The characters are engrossing. The story sucks you in from word one and leaves you thirsty (no pun intended) for more.

I have now moved on to book #2 New Moon.

Thanks Dixie for having such a passion for these books that have rubbed off on me!!

Hugs!

Love it or Hate it??

2008-07-30T21:00:00.000-07:00

Scrapbooking.....

Either you are a lover or a hater of this craft. I love them. I think they are beautiful and offer a way to tell a story. Which as a writer is the BEST part.

I hate making them!!

I'm serious! I hate this craft. Yet, I find myself buying the beautiful paper and all the adorable stickers that go with. Then they sit in my house and collect dust along side the boxes of photos yet to be made into beautiful works of art.

During my hubby's trip to Chicago (two weeks ago) I had planned to get some scrapbooking done. I spent way to much money on more paper and more stickers.

Never touched it! Not once.

So now the guilt sets in. I have all the stuff pulled out and it's cluttering my office floor...getting in my way. Everyone I tell this to says how much fun they have while doing this hateful craft and how the best way to do it is with a group of people. I can see how a scrapbooking party would be fun and I'd actually truly like to try one, but doing it solo...not so fun. Especially when the kids are around and begging to help.

I have sworn to get this done. To do enough of the pictures to tell the stories and then to put the rest of the photos in regular, old-fashioned, photo albums. I've completed a few pages so far and I've discovered exactly why I hate scrapbooking so much. I'm a bit OCD about it. I expect it to look perfect and it never does. I either don't have the perfect paper or the perfect stickers or the perfect quote. Something is always off and that's the part that frustrates me the most.

Yes...I'm a perfectionist! Always have been, and at this age I'm unlikely to change.

So what about all of you? Do you love it or hate it? Any advice for us haters??

Hugs

I Need More Time or Do I??

2008-07-28T19:04:00.000-07:00

Julia Cameron in her book The Sound of Paper wrote about writing...consistently. How important it is to show up each day at the page, the canvus, the piano, or whatever your creative medium is. To be there and to be present. To be free, allowing the creativity to flow through you. We are not the creators, but rather the vehicle that it travels through.

She wrote, "Most of us imagine that if we had an emptier life and more money, we would get more done. The truth is that such a life invites distractions, and we do much better to work with the life we have. The art of living in the now requires that we be alert to the choices of the moment, that we use our time well."

I'm guilty of this. I spend a lot of time lamenting the fact I have no time and would some how be more productive if I had it. Julia Cameron writes a lot about how she wrote in those small moments. The ones where your children are in the background making noise, in the car waiting for the kids to get out of class, or waiting for the doctor. She wrote in snatched minutes here and there. And in doing so she feels it made her writing a casual thing. I like the way this sounds!! My goal is to get to that point. Where writing feels more natural and less work. Where when I sit down to write it's not such intense pressure to perform.

I did this today. Both of my kids were in a camp for three hours and I took the time to write. The first hour I sat in a Starbucks, but oddly I found the loud music and cranked AC as huge distractions. I ended up sitting in my car in the parking lot outside my son's class. It was weird at first, but soon I found a rhythm and there was no worries about being late to pick him up...I was already there!

So here's to small moments. To being present and calm during those moments.

Inspiration

2008-07-27T19:40:00.000-07:00

These are photos I have posted above my desk. Each time I look at them, I feel peace.

Enjoy!

Come out and Play Little Writer

2008-07-24T20:52:00.000-07:00

My bestest friend Dixie said those words in a comment on my blog. Yes, yes, yes, I know...I've been an absent blogger as of late. I hate when I visit my favorite blogs only to find nothing new has been posted. So here I am...out from hiding.

What have I been up to since I last write...oh six plus months ago? Lots of work...some writing...lots of reading...plus a whole lot more.

The reading has been great! I've read some amazing books lately. I decided I'd read outside my box and so I have. I've tried a few different british writers, some NY Times Best Sellers and many others. Name a few, you say? Well, Dorothy Koomson, a british writer, wrote My Best Friend's Girl and I laughed and cried through the entire thing. Julia Cameron's A Right to Write and The Sound of Paper...fantastic!!! Pieces of My Sister's Life, by Elizabeth Joy Arnold...okay, this book pissed me off. But not in a "throw the book across the room" kind of pissed off, but rather an uproar for the injustice. I get it...a character learns things from the crap that happens, but come on!! I won't blow it for those who haven't read it, but it's haunted me for days. Yet on the other hand, it was brilliant. Great Writing!! It definately got me thinking and what more could us writers ask for.

Work...I went through Doula training and became an Antepartum and Postpartum Doula. Loving it!! My kids are getting older and it was this or have another baby :) I love the time I spend with these mothers and their babies. What an amazing gift they give by welcoming me into such an intimate time in their lives. I decided to start my own company rather then work for another agency. It's called Pampered Momma...website is www.pamperedmomma.net

And last, but definately not least, Writing... After the rejection from Harlequin I put A Life of Her Own away. Partly because I had to let all the editors comments simmer a bit and because I'd spent a lot of time with Joshua and Lindsey and I needed a break. Which I took. It was painful to put away the notebooks and posters. After a few weeks I had a dream which sparked a new idea for another novel and I'm now in the plotting stages of that one. Although, can't come up with a title to save my life. Usually titles are the first thing I get when plotting begins, but nothing!! As of now it's known as the "Michael and Annie story". I've also had a revelation about A Life of Her Own, so hopefully soon I'll have a chance to work the new changes into the novel and rewrite the synopsis. Then it's out to another publisher.

On a more personal level, I've been volunteering for the Children's Cancer Association as a Chemo Pal. This is where I go to the hospital to visit a child who has cancer and is undergoing chemo or other treatments. I have been matched with a 17year old girl...who is truly amazing. Cancer for me has always been a freightening thing. I, for most of my life, feared it. Knowing one day it would be the thing that killed me. It's an odd phobia I realize, but it was mine. When I decided to volunteer this year I never expected it to be in this area. But when I learned about CCA's Chemo Pal program, it just fit. I went through the training and all the blood tests and TB test to prove I was healthy...and then walked right into the fire. I still fear Cancer. It's a big word. It's a big disease. But people every day are fighting for their lives and doing it with a smile on their face. My Chemo Pal Kiddo does it. She feels terrible and icky and yet her eyes are always shining. This is true courage. And I'm proud to know these amazing individuals.

Much more to share later. For now, I welcome myself back...I missed this!!

Hugs!!

Non-Fiction Writing

2008-01-06T20:08:00.000-08:00

I've been trying to get into non-fiction writing for quite some time now. I've been reading the books, studying the markets and writing as much as I can.

To date I've submitted a dozen tips to varies magazines, and I've just completed a hand full of fillers, or shorts. My goal this week is to complete and submit one each day. I figure my chances of acceptance are higher if I can get five or more of them out into the world each week.

So wish me luck!

On the home front, the weather here in the Pacific Northwest has been wet and WINDY. Normally I have nothing against those two things, but we've had our fair share of storms this year and I have this irrational fear of wind. It began three years ago when we lived in our old house, with many tall trees surrounding us. One winter a limb hit the roof, causing some minor damage, which went undetected until it caused major water damage. I'd lay in bed at night and listen to the wind howling and watch the trees bend from side to side. My active imagination of course began to plot out the "what if's?" and soon I had this fear of wind. After we sold that house last winter we bought our current house and wouldn't you know it, we're the only house in the entire subdivision with three TALL pine trees in our back yard. So the fear continues. I still lie awake at night and watch the trees being wiped from side to side by 50 + mile an hour winds and pray the entire time that they hold strong.

Blogging Mood

2008-01-05T20:53:00.001-08:00

I'm in a blogging mood because I decided to return to blogger after an attempt to keep a blog/journal through my website. It didn't work the way I wanted, so I'm back here...yeah!! Anyway, I've had to do a bit of updating here to make things fresh and current.

I always have this grand idea I'll blog each day with great wisdom, or at least something comical. I've always realized that isn't possible for someone like me, who puts so much weight on each word I put here. My new goal for 2008 is to put something here "almost" every day and to allow myself to just enjoy it. I do promise, however, not to use this as a place to tell you what I ate for breakfast or my to do list for the day.

Right now...I'm reading the latest issue of The Writer Magazine. I just love this magazine. Also one of my other favs is Writer's Digest Magazine. These magazines cover all genre's...which is something I like. One I like to keep abreast of the goings on in all areas. And because I'm a writer who likes to dabble in different areas. I've tried for the last few months to weed myself down to only a few. I've researched platforms and niche's. I've decided I am a novel writer at heart, but that I enjoy personal essays as-well-as non-fiction articles. My long-term goals would be to write article between novels, to keep the income coming in and to give my brain a break now and again.

October 27, 2007 Ramblings

2008-01-05T20:38:00.000-08:00

It's a random thoughts kinda day...

Random thought #1 - I moved my office into the library. It's original purpose was to be a dining room, but it never felt that way to me. Even when looking to buy the house. The dining room is just off the living room and therefore a connection of such. When we moved in we didn't have a formal dining room table yet and I needed a place to put all my many, many books so I set it up as a library. I loved it! It quickly became my favorite place in the house. The tall windows with white billowing curtains and beautiful chandelier always made me feel at peace. So after spending six months sharing the family room in the back of the house with the kids school area, I was beginning to dread sitting down to write and I was struggling with a sense of claustrophobia.

Now in my own space...I'm loving it. There are three openings in this room. Two large archways...one into the living room and the other into the hallway. Then a doorway into the kitchen. So today I added dark maroon curtains to act as walls when I'm writing.

And they worked. I told the kids mommy was writing when the curtains were closed and that I was not to be interrupted. They listened. Hell, even my hubby respected them. It was fantastic!

One other plus...years ago my best friends husband, who is a talented artist, did a portrait painting of me and for many years I had the painting in a closet. Then a few months ago I had it put to a frame and then hung it in the library, more for a lack of somewhere else appropriate to hang it. Now, it's like a guilty pleasure for my ego...to have my own writing space and a giant painting of myself. It's fantastic!!

Random thought #2 - Positive thoughts. This isn't a new concept and yet somehow it's become this giant craze. Hell, our world could use a bit of positive thinking, but The Secret isn't really a new concept. I haven't read the book myself. (I've heard more then enough about it), but I have read many other books with the same message. Our thoughts put out an energy and energy attracts. So positive thoughts would logically attract positive actions or outcomes.

Many years ago my grandmother said "Mind over matter". If I thought positively, I would receive positive things. Unfortunately, I didn't know what to do with that message at 7-8 years old. But now as an adult it not only makes sense, but I now know what to do with it. First and foremost I tell my kids on a daily basis they can do anything they set their minds to. There is no "can't". Yes, things are difficult. But they are not impossible. All you have to do is believe. Then look at it from a different angle, try something different, or ask for help. But there is never a CAN'T.

Self-confidence comes from practicing this and fear freezes it.

Random thought #3 - You don't know how many tomorrows you'll have.

A morbid thought, but it means well. A life lived in unhappiness is not a life lived. If you die tomorrow did you spend today dong the things that make you happy?

Intense--no?

For the most part I think I do good in this area. Especially when it comes to my children. I am not as good when it comes to writing. There are days when it feels like a guilty pleasure. Like I should be doing something different. More important.

But the above statement made me realize that I want to write. I need to write. It's who I am. It's what makes me happy... So, no more tomorrows...only todays. Today I write. And each day God gives me on earth--I'll write. Even if no one ever reads it.

October 11, 2007 Ramblings

2008-01-05T20:37:00.000-08:00

This week has been beyond crazy. I home-school my two children, so we're in the first few weeks of starting the new year. Which brings new adjustments to our schedule. Plus, I've been trying to include more writing time into each day, so that has forced me to reassess and rearrange. I'm a late night person. I can stay up till 2:00 a.m. or later without even thinking about it. But getting up in the a.m. is not something I like. I prefer to rise around 9:00...10:00. My writing time was always after the kids went to bed. The house would be quiet and I always felt the most creative. But lately, I'm brain dead and unable to put two words together. Between teaching all day and work, I have very few brain cells left to write. So I'm trying out a new schedule...I plan to write between 9:00 - 12:00 p.m., then after lunch work with the kids on school. That leaves the evening to catch up on work.

On other news, I received my postcard back from Harlequin today notifying me they received my manuscript. It was a bit surreal to find it there. I know for so many other writers it's a common, no-big-deal thing. But I'm new at the submission thing and I think it's pretty cool. But I did have a moment of "wait, is it ready?"..."can I have it back?" kind of thoughts. I guess we're never done. There is always something more we can do to our books to make them better or to tweak them. I think a part of me is so nervous because the last round of revisions were done so quickly and because I got the editors letter after I already mailed it. I would have liked another week of staring at it and then building off of the editors comments. But it was not meant to be, so I'm letting those negative thoughts go.

For now, I'm still fine tuning. Still making sure everything works and there is nothing that should be said differently, or moved around. As those things are worked out, I have to watch myself to insure I don't change things to drastically from my synopsis. So far it's just little words and sentence structure stuff.

October 3, 2007 Ramblings

2008-01-05T20:35:00.000-08:00

Trials of a new writer... that is the theme to my blog. Well, today I was taught yet another lesson about the road to publishing.

Three weeks ago tomorrow, I received a phone call from the contest coordinator notifying me that I placed third and that the editor requested the partial. After I hung up the phone, I turned to my husband and voiced my concern about the contest not sending me a letter with specific details. Such as, the editors address, or comments. As this was my first contest, I just assumed we were on our own. After all, it's our career and it should be our responsibility to get our manuscript to where it needs to go. I was nervous because I knew I had at least another week on the revisions and possibility more because I didn't have a synopsis. So two weeks later I was mailing my manuscript, worried it had taken me too long. That all the others who had requests had mailed them immediately.

Well...today, I received a package in the mail with my chapter and a letter from the contest coordinator with all the information I needed...where to mail it, how to address the outside of the envelope. But the worst part was the letter attached to the manuscript from the final round editor. Her personal comments about what she liked and what she felt needed more work.

WELL...that would have been nice to have the last three weeks as I spent 12 hours a day editing the damn thing.

Maybe I wasn't under the amount of pressure I thought I was. But come on, an editor asks to see my writing I'm going to get that in her hands ASAP.

I just didn't know. I'm new at this submission thing. I never in my wildest of dreams expected to see comments directly from the editor. And even though I had a few hours of freak out, I also know that is pretty damn cool. An EDITOR touched my manuscript. READ my manuscript. And had GOOD things to say. I'm beyond thrilled.

It would only be better if I had taken one little thing out as she suggested. I'd hate for her to think I didn't listen to her feedback. I would have! If I'd known before last Friday. But....I also know the latest revisions made the book better. It's stronger and so is my heroine. Crossing my fingers the editor thinks so too.

September 30, 2007 Ramblings

2008-01-05T20:33:00.000-08:00

The last two weeks I've had time only to work and sleep. And sleep was sparse. I entered the TARA contest back in May and then found out I was a finalist in early July. I was given two days to make any revisions before it would be sent to the final round editor.

Then it was back to waiting.

Then a few weeks later, I had a light-bulb moment where I realized what was missing from the story. I knew there was something missing with my characters motivations, and now I knew what. However, I had already sent in the first chapter to the editor and now I had a dilemma on my hands. Do I make the revisions or not? If I do and she requests to see more I may not be finished with the edits. I decided to go for it. I knew the book would be better for it and I hoped I could put in a few extra hours to get it all completed before she might request more.

Well...two weeks ago, I got a phone call from the contest coordinator saying Wanda Ottewell of Harlequin Superromance wanted the partial and synopsis. I was thrilled to say the least...but I wasn't finished. The edits ended up being far more complex. They changed the story drastically. So there were more scenes to be rewritten then I'd originally hoped. But it was stronger and I felt my writing was the best it's ever been.

So I put my ass in the chair and put in over 12 hours each day for two weeks making it all work. I also had to write a synopsis for this book. I've done it for a few of my others, but this one I hadn't and it turned out to be much harder then I'd hoped. It took over a week to write it. With over ten different versions and many more edits. The problem I was having is my stories are complex...very interwoven and it's difficult to paraphrase that type of story. At least for me.

Finally I was done. My critique partners read through it and gave there thumbs up. I printed and prepared for mailing. Then hit another snag. You see...Wanda is located in the Canada office and they want a SASE to accompany the submission. But USPS no longer does IRC's (International Reply Coupons), at least not temporarily. So after two days trying to figure out whether they do or don't. I finally decide to send an international money order. But then I began the quest to find out the conversation between US dollars and Canadian dollars.

They say you must work for what you want. Oh and did I. Now, I'm back to being a mom and trying to catch up on work stuff, housework and we're starting school with the kids. Busy...busy!

Themes

2007-08-22T21:30:00.000-07:00

Everyone is always trying to pigeon-hole writers into a genre...a theme. We are to then to stick to that theme. I understand this idea...that for marketing/promotional purposes it makes it easier if publishers, editors, PR depts., newspaper columnists, and readers to know where to put categorize you.

My only problem with this way of thinking is I'm more then just one thing. I'm a wife, a mother, a sister, a friend. I work, I write, I read and I homeschool my children. If I chose to label my blog, my website, my writing as anecdotes about motherhood I'd be isolating the other aspects of who I am.

I enjoy so many things. From music, to art, to history, to exercise. And at this point I will continue to share all of those with you. The only thing I love more then learning is sharing what I've learned.

Writer Personality

2007-06-18T20:45:00.000-07:00

Most writer personalities fit into a category. Few writers can cross over into multiple genres. I don't mean a fiction writer who crosses from short story to full length novel. Although that is a tough transition as well. When I say genre I'm speaking of travel writing, versus fiction, versus greating card writing. Most writers find a niche and they settle in there. This is what we are told to do and what we realistically should do if we want to be a success.
I can't seem to settle in anywhere. Maybe it's just procrastination on my part, but I truly enjoy and welcome the challenge in writing for different genres. I'm a full-length fiction writer at the heart of who I am. If I had to choose I would definately go in that direction. I like to tell the deeper story. I want to flesh out my characters and see what kind of trouble I can get them into.
That said, I've done quite a bit of article writing. Mostly nonfiction. I get to write about topics that I'm interested or passionate about. They are shorter and therefore don't take a year of edits. Which after writing novels for so many years feel refreshing. Plus, I deal in fact rather then fiction and that gives my brain a mental break from the heavy stuff I write in my novels.
One day I might be forced to choose. But until that day I refuse to pigeon holed. Hell, I may never allow that. Each of my novels are different...one is a time-travel, one is a historical, and my contemporaries range from suspense, to sensual, to dramatic.
I'm a diverse person and my writing shows that.

What do you believe in Mommy?

2007-02-26T20:01:00.000-08:00

"What do you believe in Mommy?" asked my six year old daughter.

My brain froze around that question. Words refused to form into a coherent sentence. I kept repeating over and over, "I believe...I believe...I believe..."

Why was my daughter asking me something so hugely profound? Was she really asking me about religion? God? My faith? Would she gage her beliefs around what I had to say? Of course she should...but then I feared the magnitude of what I was about to say.

But then my husband and I had been talking in the kitchen before she'd walked in with such a profound question...so what had we been talking about? Again, nothing came to me.

She stood staring at me with large, vulnerable, yet expectant eyes waiting for an answer.

So I did what any good parent would do...I answered her question with one of my own. "Why are you asking me that?"

"Because you bought a rock with the word believe on it. So what do you believe in?"

"Oh!!!!!"

I released a huge sigh of relief, but it was short lived because I still needed to answer her question. My explanation was jumbled and consisted of..."well, I was at a writing conference and the speaker said we should all have a rock that said believe, because it'll remind us to have faith in ourselves and our writing. The rock exemplifies the strength and solidness we need to endure the process."

"Oh," she said and walked away.

If she's stumping me at six, I'm in trouble. :)

Awake Anyone?

2007-02-26T06:46:00.000-08:00

They say you sleep less as you get older...but geez, an hour or two of sleep can't be all--right?

I had the worst night sleep...hell, the worst night sleep the last few nights actually. But last night takes the cake. I couldn't fall asleep, then once I did I couldn't stay asleep. By 4:30 a.m. I was so sore and frustrated I got out of bed to try sleeping on the couch...but no go, I ended up in the office working and planning my future.

Now it's almost 7 a.m. and I can hear my neighbors leaving for work. The kids and hubby are still asleep and I keep thinking I should be writing. I've always had this wish to be an early morning person where I crawled out of bed with it still dark outside and I'd make a cup of tea and sit down and write for hours before the house woke up. The problem is with kids, by about noon I'm dead on my feet and totally irritable. So I figure I'll wait on the early morning rituals for a few years.

So you can see my dilemma, I'm in such trouble today.

Moving~

2007-02-05T15:51:00.000-08:00

We're finally moving....

This process started way back in October when we listed the house. It took many months to finally get a set of buyers in the door that wanted our house. But of course things couldn't go on from there smoothly. While dealing with our buyers we tried to buy three different houses. That's right! Three!!!! Now we are out of time and forced to move into a temporary apartment until we find a house.

Now as I pack up a business, two children and a three bedroom house, I wonder why we wanted to do this at all. Will the stress be worth it in the end???

Interruptions

2007-01-10T17:05:00.000-08:00

I’m back from…well, a sudden life interruption. Don’t you hate those? The ones that step into your life suddenly and require all focus and attention, regardless of the responsibilities waiting to be checked off the ol’ to do list. It’s a long story, what my interruption was, and frankly I’m tired of explaining so I’ll not bore you or myself.

I did want to share this gorgeous picture with you. I took it while standing at the lookout at Ecola State Park in Cannon Beach, Oregon. The wind was blowing, and I do mean BLOWING…and it was raining these big, fat rain drops, so I chickened out and took the picture through the windshield. (FYI--if you go to Ecola Park, I needed motion sickness meds just to get through the windy roads--blahhh!!!)

While walking along that cliff, or rather leaning with all my weight into the wind while holding my four year old son’s hand, I realized why people have the need, desire to defy the laws of nature. It’s thrilling and exhilarating. It makes you feel alive…and I very much needed that reminder this week.

Also, I wanted to share a quote with you…

I saw this quote in a small bookstore in California last year.

“I have my books and my poetry to protect me.”

I love this quote because I rely on my books and my poetry to sustain me in the good times and the bad. I use them to make sense of the world and my feelings. To find a place to hide when life is to much to deal with and really I’d die without them. They are apart of me!

Authentic Self

2006-12-18T15:21:00.000-08:00

I will write about this topic many times I’m sure, as it’s my life mantra. I’ve always been someone who learns from the mistakes of others. After all, why get in trouble myself? Even as a child I watched my siblings, my parents, my friends, for the things that weren’t working for them. I became quite the observer. I don’t know if that trait pushed me into writing, or if I was always meant to be a writer so observing was just the outcome.

Even though change and self-discovery is difficult, I try to keep pretty close tabs on myself. Always trying to better myself. But never had I been as honest as I was when I learned about being authentic. A few years ago someone told me as long as I was being my authentic self I would be okay. Despite all my healing and growth till that point, I still wasn’t 100% authentic.

Being authentic is realizing you have the right to your “yes” meaning “yes” and your “no” meaning “no”. It’s feeling good inside your own skin. It’s surrounding yourself with friends who know and accept you and you being the same for them. It’s loving yourself, accepting yourself, and finding peace with your demons. It’s creating your passion in YOUR way…it’s telling your story, in your voice, your way. Each of us is different…an individual. What works for one person, will not work for another.

I won’t lie and tell you it’s an easy thing to accomplish, because it’s definitely not. You’ll fall back on habitual tendencies and hide true feelings for fear of rejection…but with each time you remain authentic, you’ll find peace, healing, power.

The dictionary defines authentic as this: not false or copied; genuine; real

Imagine that…how wonderful and powerful it would feel to be authentically yourself.

A Little Fun~

2006-12-17T14:13:00.000-08:00

It's Sunday and I'm trying to catch up on work, writing, and housework after a week of sickness....so I thought I'd share a fun game with you. I, personally, am a fabulous driver. I've never had a ticket or an accident. But even I had a few fender benders in this game. It's called Parking Perfection and it's a virtual car-parking game! You have a matter of seconds to get your car parked perfectly. Try it...you won't be able to stop.

Play at http://www.107.peugeot.co.uk/peugeot.swf

The Creative Traits

2006-12-15T10:39:00.000-08:00

Creative people must have the following traits~

Belief - In the transforming, healing power of their craft.

Patience - The journey can be long and it'll take every ounce of patience.

Perseverance - I believe this is one of the most important traits any creative soul can have...because without it, you won't see the pay off of all your hard work.

Confidence (or arrogance) - In your self and in your craft. It's not easy to share yourself so openly.

Imagination - Who can be creative without this?

Self-discipline - This goes along with perseverance, because without the discipline to force yourself to produce regularly--you won't. It's just that easy.

Courage -To take the rejections, and the critics with your head held high.

Dreams/Belief - The belief that one day your dreams will come true.

Support - The creative process is a very solitary thing...we all need to have that support system to keep us going. I believe we need to have both a creative support group and one that takes you away from that. Otherwise, you'll focus only on your craft and during those bad days it's too much.

And last, but definitely not least….Balance--without this in every aspect of life, we’ll burn out. Writing…Art…Dance…these are not who we are, they are what we do. Finding a balance is difficult so check in with yourself periodically and make sure you are finding time for all the things you feel are important.

Words Women Use

2006-12-13T11:12:00.000-08:00

I got this in an email this morning from my mom. I wish I knew who originally wrote it so I could give them credit.

Enjoy the laugh!!

1.) FINE: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2.) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour.
Five Minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3.) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

4.) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

5.) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6.) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7.) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome.

8.) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying_____YOU!

9.) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "what's wrong", for the woman's response refer to # 3.

Send this to the men you know, to warn them about arguments they can avoid if they remember the terminology. Send this to all the women you know to give them a good laugh, cause they know its true.

Meditation

2006-12-12T13:42:00.000-08:00

We are in the process of selling our home. This is a tedious process at the best of times, but during a slump in the market, the winter, working at home and having two children, it makes it all the more a pain in the ass.

Today, moments after stepping from the shower, I was notified someone wanted to see the house in five minutes. First of all, who does that? Secondly, the house was a mess and I was dripping wet. I became a wild woman as I ran around making beds, throwing the dirty breakfast dishes in the dishwasher with the clean dishes. We run out of the house as the realtor and potential buyer are walking in. They were here for THREE minutes. I didn't even know you could walk through a house that fast.

Now I'm frazzled, unable to focus on the long list of to do's and I'm getting a headache. I think I need to learn the art of meditation. I've heard it can be very soothing, relaxing even. I've never done well with this because I'm always on the move. Meditation requires one to stop moving for the duration and to find a peaceful, happy place. If I sit still that long and close my eyes, I'll either fall asleep or obsess even more about my stresses. Still, I think it's time to find a method of sorts to release this tension and to refocus my energy.

I'm open for suggestions.

The Importance of Daily Journalling

2006-12-11T19:32:00.000-08:00

I've always kept diaries, journals throughout my life. I, unfortunately, go in fits and bursts with them. When I'm writing in them I'm usually religious about it for a few weeks, then I die back and I won't pen anything for a while.

A few months ago I promised myself to incorporate daily journaling into my life. Because of my busy schedule I don't always get the chance to WRITE everyday, although I do try, so I wanted to make sure that I at least wrote something, even as simple as what I did that day. The commitment to do so came when life had gotten out of control busy and I found a link that promised to help me organize meal planning. And with a family to take care of, this sounded perfect. Little did I know I'd find my fairy godmother...or my FLYLady as she likes to call herself.
Now the details about FLYLady and all I learned from her is long, so I'll stick with the connection to journaling for now. :)

Part of the daily routine she established for me was the art of journaling each day...it was a place to vent frustrations and to then list those things I was thankful for. For the first few months I did just that, I vented about the stress, the irritants and then I'd end with all that I was grateful for. I began to get better control of myself, time wise, and better control of my household, so consequently I also had less to vent about. So I divided my journals into two different books. One I use to write about life. What's going on, how I feel about life topics, the world, etc. The second is for writing. In there I write about…writing, the fears, the failures and the successes. I also use it to practice writing. This is where I have found the most growth. By journaling each day it keeps my creative juices flowing. I'm able to freely play with words, sentences, and emotions. The internal editor isn't even awake during this time. It's freeing and inspiring. I usually walk away from these journaling sessions invigorated to write.

Try it! Spend of few minutes every day journaling. If you're not a writer, it doesn't matter. Journaling gets you in touch with your inner self. You have a place to let go of the stress and remind yourself of the good things in life.

Refilling Your Well

2006-12-10T18:16:00.000-08:00

There are many ways to refill your creative well, and that is finding inspiration from other places.

As a writer, I focus all of my creative energy into the construction of my novels, articles, etc. I'm not able to refill my well with other books as much as I use to because I read with the eye of a writer. So in order to recharge I find inspiration from many other art forms. I love photography. Particularly scenic views and anything black and white.

What about you? Where do you draw inspiration? How do you refill your creative juices?

New Home!!

2006-12-08T15:56:00.000-08:00

This is my new Blog Home!

If you've come over from my group blog (Let's Write Now), it's nice to see you.

If you are new, I welcome you.

Writer Ramblings is my place to share with you the journey to publishing. I'll share my successes and my failures, as-well-as daily frustrations that exist in the life of a struggling writer.

I look forward to getting to know you all. This blog will be for more then just writers. It'll be a place to share creative energy. To find a way to live authentically to who you are as a person and as a creative soul.

Come back often to visit!!